its raining and i cant seem to sign in my msn. haish. my relatives are in the living room but i dun really tink i should be out there catering to their needs. not in the mood to do dat.

i wish you would miss me the way that i miss you. honestly.....

feeling so hyper right now but at the same time super shagged. Jamming went well... amazing how time flies when ur having fun. played find a way. A song i never thought i could play but it turned out alright. But if u ask me. I would honestly say we are not prepared for the gig this sat. but nvm. heh. ok super tired shall sleep now.

just updating for the sake of updating.. work was a bore, got lost in sengkang while on the way to hafiz's, finished the stupid swe project which i knew nothing about, went to compass point, got lost on the way back from compass point, reached home at 2200 hrs, watched man yoo beat hotspurs 3-0, watched blade 2, chatted for a while, updating blog. updated blog. goodnights.

work was 'happening' yesterday. Honestly was. Had a lot of fun with naim, baqir and bunch. bunch fell into the water twice well not his whole body but both his legs. One for each time. And it was fucking hilarious but yeah MAintAin CooLnEss yea?? hahaha.

Didnt go to the mosh launch cause i was given overtime. Which was fine by me cause i needed the extra money. I mean heck it was ska anyway, so i guess i didnt really miss much. Got to do the flume ride!! albeit ticketing but sangeetha was kind enough to teach me the controls i even got to take the ride for testing. it was freaking high... and the plunge was punishing.. urh... lost my heart for a while there haha but yeah. i also did a matrix kinda manoever in front of the guests. well as u know the flume ride has 2 plat forms. one for exiting and one for entering. it is seperated in the middle by a conveyer belt which moves the boats. so i was crossing the entering platform to the exit platform to basically brief the guests. so when i stepped on to the conveyer belt. sangeetha accidentally moved the conveyor belt so i spinned 360 degrees, fell onto the platform and immediately got back up in one sweeping move. wah madness... hahah didnt know i could do dat..

*maintain coolness*

nieways im now a big fan of alif's blog. i mean seriously i tot all he wrote in there was crap but now hor.. hehe yeah really love it.. k im off to prayers now.. see yea guys later..

ah mad why do i always have to have sucky days... or sucky endings to happy days... argh.. yesterday was fun but it all ended sucky cause i accidentally throwed my sisters shoes away... argh madnes... there goes another hundred bux... haiyah

todays outing with han was refreshing.. really really refreshing... i mean when u go out with someone new, there are like new topics to talk about, new things to learn and even though me and han have been friends for 2 years already... ive only met her a few times. haha so yea considered new oso. And heck she had a lot of things to talk about so yea really enjoyed her company.... thx! whooPz

felt as though i need to write something. so im gonna.

okie dats all for today... good nytes

4 days is quite a long time duncha tink?

i have a distinct feeling that somebody is ignoring me. donno.. maybe im jumping to conclusions but den again... o well just miss her company dats all...

decided to go the ska fest after all and it was boring ar... i came late and saw only cesspit. They were great but somehow i remember having more fun at the cesspit/59mins cd launch several moons ago. the crowd was better ar. 4 bands doesnt really constitute the gig being called Ska fest. would have been been way better if zakko's band played. Plan to fool ring a bell?? heh. tired of life. already byebye...

dotz

sending out my condolences to huda and her family. Sorry for your loss.....

at work time flew past extraordinaryily fast... my only regret though was it didnt rain.but heck now den its raining...

eating mint ice cream now while lsitening to blink 182's enema of the state. I got reunited with it yesterday. like after 2 years or so of finding it. Donno if it was dat long but heck sure it felt dat way. *mental note* NEVER lend any more cds to friends yang takleh harap!) ok go!!

anyways session was great yesterday. well i tink so.. haha. 4/5 of your- ass came.. bassist not included.. hurhur... Managed to work out several songs. azura was limping because of an injury sustained in a soccer match.. and i was like.. hurhur wah madness happening siolz...!!! ahha east hammers got team to challenge already.. haha so merepekz lar... k... so during a break.. i sat down with din and i looked up at the sky.yes ar i dpt TGK STARS... hurhur but den ar... zura corrected me dat some were satellites.. in fact all the twinkly twinkly stars are satellites... so it was lame lar..

twinkle twinkle little satellites...

nieways... i was really disgusted by all those couples exchanging saliva at the esplanade.. i mean cmon lar.. go do it in behind some bushes or sumthing.. not in full view of the public. even a lesbian couple were doing it. ARGH!!! in times like this i wish i had my own dat i could smooch... haiz... http://friendster.com .....

this is a very interesting article dat i got from someone's blog. it kept me company for quite a while... if u guys donno me dat well. I reallly love to read. I would buy a book and keep reading it day ang night till its over. The only reason i stopped reading nowadays is because my library card got revoked.. so.. heh happy reading


The Racist's Apology
by Alfian Saat

Introduction
This is an email written by 24 year old Singaporean writer Alfian Sa'at. He had earlier written to the artscommunity e-group saying that he was willing to hold creative writing workshops, but only for "indigenous Singaporeans". Somebody asked the obvious, and this is his reply.


I walked out of the house this morning and feared I had become a racist. I passed by a newsstand and a magazine tells me about 50% of the world's most beautiful people are from the West, 10% from Singapore, 45% from HongKong and Taiwan and 5% from India and Malaysia. A JC Decaux billboard says that a lot of people read their ads and they have faces to prove it: Chinese people of various ages and occupations and genders. There are some which show non-Chinese people but they don't have the dignity of individual names, and they are put under the heading 'The Changing Face of Singapore'.

This can mean that perhaps the media is using more non-Chinese people in their ads (which I don't see) or that Singapore's demographic makeup is being altered by the arrival of other races (which I am not aware of, historically). I take a bus and TV Mobile is screening a Taiwanese variety programme. A Singaporean beauty contestant wears a cheongsam as her national costume and asks for an interpreter to translate her replies from Mandarin. The Speak Mandarin campaign informs me of what assets are missing from my life.

Tanya Chua's music video comes on and I unconsciously tally the number of Malay people that appear; I have been doing this for some time now, when I was in JC there was a 'My Singapore' music video which showed images of corporate-looking Chinese women walking through the CBD and Malay women in factory uniforms walking through a bus interchange. Tanya Chua's 'Where I Belong' shows three instances of Malay people populating the landcsape: a husband and wife riding a scooter; a father and son on a bicycle, the son carrying a box one presumes is filled with curry puffs or goreng
pisang, and a group of Malay youths playing soccer in a housing estate ghetto so rundown, it looks like an opposition ward being denied of upgrading, or one of those satellite towns built when Jurong swamps were still being filled.

But perhaps this is an improvement over other images: the satay man, the songbird owner, the mee rebus Makcik, the Malay bride and groom getting married in gold-embroidered finery (and situated on a dais, we Malays like to call them 'royalty for a day', playing the illusion of being king and queen in a country where the royal bloodline has been evicted from their home and told that the ruins of their palace will be converted into a museum).

I think about what Sang Nila Utama really did when he threw his crown into the sea to calm the raging storm; whether the gales spoke to his inner ear: 'if you want to live on the island you must surrender all memory of having once been a prince'. At the Sentosa Merlion there are signs that say that Sang Nila himself saw the Merlion rising from the waters, a fact that the Sejarah Melayu, the Malay Annals, failed to mention. Evidently there is someone called 'Sang Nila' somewhere in the executive committee of the Singapore Tourist Promotion Board.

At the foot of the Raffles statue in Boat Quay there is an inscription that says the man's genius transformed a 'sleepy fishing village' into the modern metropolis it is today, this at the foot of a man who recorded in his journals how he saw the tombs of the Malay kings, and inscriptions on a fortress wall, when he first landed: evidence of an empire, of civilisation.

In an interview a doyenne of Singapore theatre laments that all Singaporeans are 'cultural orphans', including the Malays, because they migrated from Malaysia and Indonesia, and that makes them immigrants too, no matter that one can take a sampan from Johor to Singapore.

I walk through a park in Tampines and see Chinese boys playing basketball at the court and Malay boys playing soccer on the field; I am comforted that my complete uselessness at ball games has prevented me from taking either side, has by default made me a conscientious objector to such disturbing polarities. In the army a sergeant major never called be by my name; I was called 'Melayu', which I suppose was better than 'Ah-Neh', used to address the Indians in the platoon. I remember a fellow Malay platoon mate who told me to give it my all when I was fasting, this was to prevent anyone from saying that we could use religion as an excuse for our weakness. He was eventually posted to the infantry (not logistics or engineers, much less the Navy or Airforce) and I used to imagine him burning up his pre-fasting morning meal to be the first to charge up the hill, yelling the pain of hunger and the pain of being different. The Malay staff sergeant in Officer Cadet School gave me a lot of shit just
to overcompensate, to show everyone that he was not into any form of racial favouritism. I became a victim of the sidelong glances he made as he watched me doing mypushups, those eyes constantly seeking approval from the eyes of the majority.

I see a schoolgirl from a madrasah wearing a tudung on the MRT and she is filling in the pictures in her colouring book. There are many choices among her colour pencils which she can use for skin, but she will use orange, and colour lightly, not brown or black. I have seen her schoolmates before, eyeing branded scoolbags at pasar malams, wearing branded sports shoes, like every other kid. I want to go up to her and hug her, and tell her how her tudung is not just a symbol of modesty, but a symbol of inscrutability. That layer of cloth makes her suspicious to others, it can be used to smuggle in a grenade or an agenda, so she will never get a frontline desk job, she will be expected to hang around with other tudung-wearing women in the university. I think about the fathers who sent their daughters to schools in tudung and reflect on how the media has framed them as shit-stirrers rather than citizens who practised their right to civil disobedience, the same way Gandhi fasted, or Rosa Parks refused to sit at her negroes-only seat on the segregated bus. If I can tell the girl one thing, it is 'integration is not assimilation', or 'tolerance is a failure in understanding' even though it is something she will take time to understand.

I think also of the men who filmed different locations in Singapore with the heinous intent of planting bombs. Did they not consider the various innocent Singaporean lives that could have been claimed by what they were about to do? And I wonder if they had already chosen another country to live in; a country in which they do not have to face a creeping sense of alienation, of redundancy. And I am not talking about an Islamic country, not Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, but an afterlife paradise, where everyone is equal in the eyes of God, where wearing a sarong or having a beard does not immediately make you a proto-terrorist. Or perhaps a country that exists in their minds, nurtured by a growing sense of insularity and isolation, where they walk the streets and everyone else is just a ghost, in whose dead eyes they cannot find any light of empathy or understanding.

Once someone told me: 'But the government is bending over backwards to accommodate you Malays.' I smiled and wanted to ask him if it wasn't the other way round, that the Malays are made to bend forward to be fucked senseless. Another time a journalist asked if the statistical evidence of 'progress' shows that Malays are being given the same opportunities as everyone else. I told her that statistics don't do shit for me, as someone who has to live day by day as a Malay person in this country. I told her one Malay Air Force pilot poster boy, and a few bar charts and graphs, don't make me feel more at home. The only thing they do is to convince non-Malays that the country they live in is truly multiracial, that there are no tensions beneath the veneer of newsprint and newscasts and the rosy speeches of Malay MP's.

I have always believed in multi-racialism. I can say with utmost confidence that I have more friends who are non-Malay than those who are. And I mean real friends, who I confide in, who I've shared many things with, who I do love dearly. And yet, of late, I have the feeling that alot of the things I'm saying, a lot of this talk about alienation and marginalisation, only feeds subconsciously into their sense of how fortunate they are to be born into the status quo. I have written a poem before where I say, 'But more than that we prayed for ourselves,/treading the rosary of our blessings,/for what is pity without thanks for/the opportunity for such pity?' And sometimes I feel as if the more my voice is raised on the fast-eclipsing fate of the minority, the more it feeds into the majority's smugness and arrogance about their assured place in the sun. And this only makes me feel more powerless than if I had kept silent.

So I say now, forgive me if you think my desire to work with my own people marks me out as a racist. Forgive me if you think that my preferences are actually prejudices. Forgive me for retreating into something one can so easily call 'cultural chauvinism'. And I will forgive you for thinking that this person writing this isn't the Alfian that you know, that he has always been moderate and liberal, and I will forgive you if you look at me differently the next time I meet you. For some time already I have felt that as a Malay writer writing in English I have had to carry the burden of articulating so many unvoiced concerns. And the responsibilities associated with this are frightening. I just think it is time I pass on whatever skills I have to other Malay people, so we may tell our stories to those who want to hear them, even though they are stories of loss and loneliness and accidents of birth.

hmmz i donno wat to say lar huhr.. this issue.. has been going on far too long.. but this alfian saat rulez.. shall go find out more about his works... anyways working later.. so shall sleep now.. goodnytez...

argh feeling so... guilty.. donno why.. but it all seems different now... maybe it was a mistake... maybe it was something i said or did... haiz... i suck..

weeeee pop!!!

she makes me feel like its raining outside...

things i dun like about myself:

1.my frequent worrying about small matters: im so sick of it but its something dat is already part of me and i cant really shake it off that easily. I would say something to someone den like imemdiately regret wat i said, den i would like worry about my actions for the next few days. even though that someone clearly feel that no harm has been done.

2.insecurity?: ive wrote this already on an earlier entry.its just the general feeling that the whole is laughing at me. And always wondering wat people are talking about behind my backs.

3. low confidence levels: yes its so fucking true. i have absolutely no confidence in wat i do. Be it studies or band or work. Lets just say personally that im not much of a risk taker. always taking the easy way out. just lying down and die even before the battle has begun. always afraid of getting hurt and shit. argh!!

argh theres more.. but the more i type about it. the more depress i get. anyways.. read a lot of blogs lately and i just realise my blog's english is atrocious. really honestly atrocious. i wonder how the heck did i get b3 for my english but on second thought i guess maybe composition has never been my strong point. hurhur always depended on my comprehension skills. o well. would have uploaded the pics. but battery on the camera ran out, (argh!)new batts dat i bought yesterday. Feeeel so madness lar.. haish..

getting a haircut 2morrow. its a must after my ustaz told me to cut it. sheeesh i wanted to keep it long. but i guess i'm gonna do something radical with it. thinking of getting meself a mohawk. not a full one. something like the 'rushed' guitarist. u know.. urmz donno how to explain it but its nice. haha i guess probably my mum will freak and shave me bald if i ever go home with a mohawk. so donno haha see how.

u know wat? i love my blog. i mean its kinda become sort of my best friend. never failing when i needed it the most. haha

love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly ...

heh... visual basics sucks.. and thats all ive got to say abut dat.. nieways.. i wanna get this..



i want!!! i want!!! hahaha o well need money!! really need money... so amny things dat i wanna get but theres not enough money to spent... dammitz. Holiday is next week. and it wont be much of a hoilday for me cause i'll be working for the whole week except on wednesday and friday. so any of you who have nothing to do on those days.. please feel free to ask me out.... PLZ!!! i'm BEGGING YOU!! whhawhawh

hurhur... project sunset became project nowhere.. hurhur didnt really expect liza to be dat quiet a person. or was i the one who was quiet? Maybe i bored her too much with my incessant jabbering haha weee. anyways walked around aimlessly from bugis to lavender and at the same time taking pics of donno wat lar. she asked me to give suggestions so i pointed to whatever dat is close to my eyes... haha merepekz ar mi.... haha den went back to tamp to meet ikay. had dinner... den we went seperate ways. i met up with the guys at sunplaza, ik went bk and lizard went home. hurhur anyways.... took some pics of pp at sunplaza. I try to upload 2morrow when i have the time. good nights.

in class right now.. preparing for the networking online test... which sucks.. i know nothing about networking... why did i ever take info technology?? all i wanted was the media side of it. Never expected all this shitty modules. Den after Networking i have my os test whihc thank god is an open book one. So maybe just maybe i can pass both. haha fat chance. Nieways. Meeting liza later today. Gonna take pics of the sunset or sumthing for her portfolio. i donno wats my association with dat but heck nvm lar eh. haha. thank you for coming round to me.. to see my plain sunset....

i remembered last year me and ikay were talking bout march12 and dewi's photgraphy. both of us wanted to take up photography. But den he bought a camera. I didnt. so the rest is well. history. boohoo

skafest is on sunday. a part of me wants to go but argh the tots of seeing all those yps in their culture unifom makes me sick. besides the fact that its all ska and i'm not into ska dat much. boohoo so yeah im working anyways. planning to see a movie next week... anybody wanna watch wit me??

am home right now with nothing to do. skool ended super quick today and i am contemplating whether to go out or not. need to get that jacket soon. i almost froze to death on the bus to skool earlier today. hurhur so niehows i have a test tomorrow and i really wanna pass it cause ive not passed a single test this whole semester. Means i'm in deep shit. really deep shit.

hurhur. anyways picked up my guitar and wrote a new song . the title is pending but im quite please with the melody. the lyrics are straightforward and not artsy or poetic. i dun have the necessary vocabulary and imagination to write all those stuff. but all in all im hoping it would turn out well.

read my testi's on friendster. some of them are pretty funny in my own weird way. i guess nobody really knows me dat well. hurhur and dats perfectly fine with me. and yey borrowed adi's dgcam. am taking pics of things in my room but problem is the card can only store 20 pics i tink. so madness.!!! anyways tanks adi! u rock..

u know wat? mustafa's latest entry almost brought me to tears. kinda reminded me of when my own grandfather died. haiz. it didnt really hit me dat he was gone till a few days later. den i started crying myself to sleep for a few weeks. Wish i had been there in his last moments. I miss him.

your pictures on the wall,
reminds me of the days dat we shared,
of the life that we could have had,
and underneathe this darkened sky,
as my whole passes by
i still tink your still by my side


cause heaven seems so far away
and i have to wait for the end of my days
the most important days of my life
days filled with crimson eyes


i miss you, i need you

this song.... though isnt the best.. was written for my grandpa and my little brother whom i never got to know. Thats why this song has always been so special to me. underedge- miss you

i'll be holding on to you dear, like pictures kept in lockets...

hurhur argh my whole class has been commenting about how dark ive become. like as if its such a big fucking deal.

urh hotness.madness. i need some more pins for my bag. Maybe going to wakemeup with adi 2morrow. maybe. just maybe. And yeyness.. my mother has given me permission to get myself a dgcam. Problem is ive only got about 300 to spend. so if i get one now. its gonna be so sucky. so i guess i shall wait till may or april so i can get a really really good one. rainy days have arrived. JUST IN TIME. secretly hoping it will rain out durin the march holidays cause im working like the whole week. but im pretty sure most of you wont be happy with my request. heh. but nvm. im flexible..

its sad to say that we shall say goodbye to underedge soon. Although i would miss it. I think it would not have come at a better time den now. so goodbye. yeah. thx for the memories...

din!! i'm happy for you!!! congrats man...

whoah i'm like so tanned now. so much so dat my mum cant even see my face in the dark. Argh fuck dat place called escape man.. ARGHHH. But speaking of escape. hurhur ive got a new friend at work. who?
*drum roll*
ALLEN!! haha madness sia that guy. Came to interview then straight away started working. I had to go for3 interviews to get that job. Motherfucker. But im glad hes working there now. Have a new friend. I guess if u open up to people there.. they are actually quite friendly and fun people. Till today i have always been a quiet guy at work. Rarely talking, unless im with dhai phsycho. But today i let myself go man .. and im glad i did. nieways

saturday was the worst day i had at work. officially worst day. i had to to the bumper boat station on my own for an hour.. cause some 'kemas' idiot didnt come to work. And Dear Selsila was bz 'entertaining' the guest to help me out. SO yeah anyways zaid came later.. so everything went fine till he went off... and selsila came by.. den everything went wrong. We could run only 4 boats cause the other 4 were spoilt. Den while shifting boats i got myself stranded in the middle of the pool cause the buttons were not fuunctioning properly. So thx to the guests who pushed me back to shore. hurhur. So embarassing man!!.

den i almost electrocuted myself after i touched an exposed wire on the boat. luckily i only got burnt. but heck it was painful untill mad. got two black spots on my palm man now. haiz. Urh anyways selsila proved to be a very very nice person to work with.. Shes like this bubbly bubbly person. Always talking. To the guests and oso to me. heh. And did i mention she is very very pretty? hurhur unfortunately i irritated her too much so i guess my chance is gone. Haha

immediately after work.. went to ana hotel. Had difficulty getting there. I asked for directions.. and the kids at borders say.. "huh what? ANA hotel close already lar.." takleh harap

so reached there and met din, alif, zack and allen. And came in just in time for kate of kale's set. They were great. The crowd was great. In fact this is one of the best crowd along with the epilogue. since there was no culture kids.. there were no fights.. which was great. Den if i could remember properly.. came sky in euphoria... I joined the moshpit for the first time in my life. Never had the balls to do it in a normal ska gig where all the skins and punks were but somehow i felt safer in the company of 'normal' people. hurhur so they were awesome. Screams here!! there!! everywhere!!! hurhru

pug jelly was next. I tink? i tot i was seeing gorbachev though cause mat cooper wasnt there. but all in all

I WANT MASASHI's HAIR!!!!

hurhurhur but i made a point to stand right in front during msc. They were great. Wish i could hear the vox more. But awesome lar their showmanship. especially shAin.. doing the mars volta thingy. haha hilarious. den of kos m12 came up or was it 59 mins? not sure who came first. but 59 mins were okie. They had a really awesome drummer and tight. very tight indeed. But the sole purpose i went was to catch m12. so again. I cannot hear dewi's vocals. even though i was standign right in front of her. o well maybe im deaf or sumthing but all in all m12 was great. learned a lot from them. I'm just hoping that we can be the next m12. hurhur fat chance hor??

took a cab home with izzad after dat. Crazy fella. hurhur

argh not tinking straight now. heck ive not been thinking straight this whole week. felt as though people around me have changed too much. Its like they are faceless to me now and i cant really accept that fact. Hur in times like this. I immerse myself in music. But even dat has not become fun anymore. pp's session was okay ar. wasnt really in the mood so sorry yea guys if i screwed up or gave a fucked up face to any of you. just so distracted ar.distracted by what. not sure. Shall find out... but one things for sure i am really really overwhelmed by the awesome ness of the marshal amp overdrive. i was in tone heaven man. really impressive. shall ask for a footswtich next time i jam there.

this week really sucked but i'm really happy it all ended kinda nicely with first chapter's jamming. Really tweet,khus, wan and fir u guys really cheered me up with the fun filled jamming. Even though we really sucked. It was a nice feeling to play with laughter going on..love you guys to bits .played dammit and carousel hurhur wwatever made us play that i donno. hahah. dzafir, pluggy and sofyn were there to watch us. heh sofyn took some pics. cant wait for them to get uploaded. must check on wan's blog. after finishing jamm we saw msc and junaidi fishguy there. hah jun.. wat a funny guy. it was only earlier this morning we were talking cock on msn so it was kinda funny to meet him just now a few hours later. so said our goodbyes and the EMo crew went off to slack. and me and fir went home.

tommorow im working... shall sleep now..

blogging again... donno why im still online at this time... well i guess everything happens for a reason hur... hehe

anyways.. life on the rails.. hurhur why do i sit on the railings at tamp? to watch girls u may say? nooooo. heck i sit there to observe all the plastic people going on with their everyday lifes. The mats who sit on the rails opposite us. The minahs who walk pass with cigarettes in hand and butts going left right left right. This is of kos an everyday sight. Then there are the normal kids like you and me. who are disgusted by this mats who ruin the malay reputation. hurhur. Den once in a while u have the culture people. Though this is very rare... theyre just like the mats ar. People like you and me are either disgusted by them or are frankly impressed by thier bravery to dress like dat in public. Notwithstanding that the interchange is where public transport is. so i dunt understand their purpose in hanging around there. Arent they anti government or sumthing. so dat leaves us with just the remainder of society. hurhur fuck them!

haiz just got back from slacking... original plan was to meet ikay to pass the metal zone and den go to my grandmother house. But lately every plan dat i make always seems to fail. hurhur. so nieways met din and dan at interchange. Sat at railings for a while. donno why but i have suddenly grown a distaste for that place and sitting there in general. Donno why. hurhurhur nieways dan left after dat. so me and din went to kfc in the intention of trying out the scrooms or wateva...so while din ordered. I watched as the counter kid placed a 'super sized' burger on his tray. needless to say terus i tak jadik buy. hurhur so after din finished we went to macdonalds where i felt offered a much more better meal. SO sat down talked crap and soon allen came. den the conversations started getting more serius urh... i told them about how i felt about some stuff and they gave me some advice. den i found out they shared the same thoughts as me. hurhur . which kinda surprised me for a while. o well dats why i guess we are so close. heh

so anyhow me and allen walked to simei. i decided i didnt wanna go home straight so i sort of like accompanied him home. I so needed someone to talk to. So i talked. He talked. And yeah simei and tampines seems so short a distance when your deep in conversation. Allen yeah is such a good and loyal friend. When you need a shoulder to cry on he is indeed a nice person to talk to. I trust him the most among the kids. hurhur. We tink alike and heck we even look alike to some people. so yeah thx allen. love yea lots. k k i shall stop being gayish. Shall continue into my personal blog now. o well jamming with pp 2morrow yeyness!!

heheh im like literally dancing all day long to this song... its on repeat mode on my discman and hi fi. hurhur in the bathroom i lance lance. On the way to skool oso i lance lance. I kept looking around to see if anybody noticed.Haha could have been the luffing stock of the skool hurhur. Den at home now Im dancing oso!! haha amazing wat music dan do to your emotions... hehe

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore



I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore


I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

hurhurhurhur i need braces.. this rabbit teeth are way too embarassing...

Frustrations are getting the better of me. typed and retyped this entry for the 3rd time. all i wanna say is i kinda feel something is very wrong with one of my bands. shall not reveal which one though.. shall go now bye..

thankx yanee for this awesome layout... u rock!! anyways my parents are wtaching cartooons outside.. yes cartoons... in the form of those old disney movies like alladin, beauty and the beast, etc etc. So yeah pretty surprised. i remembered when i was in primary school and i had this big sketchbook. After viewin those cartoons on the old L-D player. i would do some sketches of the cartoons. I remembered being very good at it. Donno where my sketchbook went. but anyways i cant draw for shit nowadays...... am very sad.

o well.. chatting with chun fu now. He was like the closest chinese friend dat i had in sec school so yea i miss those memories in class with him. he was a very very nice. person. always smiling. never ever saw him get angry. haiz. hruhurhurhur. i miss 4e3!!


decided to start a personal blog. Its kinda frustrating to not be able to write about wat i feel... wat i really really feel. Seeing dat if i do write those type of entries here. I would have lesser friends. so anyways good night...


hurhurhur guess which is me??

new layout liao

this love is taking its toll on me... she said goodbye... too many times before....

hurhurhur good morning kids... at class right now and i'm like yawning and yawning untill mad man. slept super early last night and intead of making me fresh it successfully made me more sleepy..... so anyhows.. gonna cabut class again today.. wanna go home and sleep again.... so yeah see yea

sheeesh i tink i ate too much.. i wanna puke..

i walked home from school today. i donno why? just been so long since ive done it so i tot why not?. This long walks usually give me like a sense of serenity. or sumthing like dat i donno. 59 mins accompanied me on my walk. they are pretty good lar actually but i feel as though their vox is not singing with his real voice. sounds kinda exxagerated. reminds me of mine. hmmmz o well.. i'm tired shall sleep..

Lene marlin rocks!!

heh... work completely brought me down today... it was so fucking hot and in the first few hours of my shift there were like zero people. So i had no choice but to stand under the worthless umbrella and try to keep my sanity. I was so bored dat i smsed around... only a few replied.. but nvm thx a lot okay. One weird thing dat happen though was the heat made me hallucinate... yeah hallucinate!!!!. I remembered seeing people in the queue line and getting into the ride. Then i remember starting the ride but when the rided ended. there was nobody there... had i seen ghosts...?? blergh.. stupid escape. But if something good dat did happen was i made new friends. This new guy taufiq. So easy to get along with man. We both combined to diss Dhaifullah. That fucking psycho maniac hahaha. And he even recommended me some hot 'chicks' that took his ride. so yeah this type of guy can really make good friends.

hahaha. so after work my original plan was to go to the beach and meet the kids there. they after all suggested going to the beach yesterday but then they had already went earlier in the morning and were all on the rails by the time i had left work. yeah so dissapointed. had been looking forward to go the beach and like liza said "nak tgk stars".. hehe so nvm then met yazid in the bus den zack, allen,din and dan at the rails. wat rail?? (go look at my header pic yeah?? haha). den zack and yazid left to donno where. allen accompanied me to kfc and din and dan went off to cut their hair. i tink? haha anyways.... went home after dat... so tired...


this pic is fucking awesome. my plain sunset shirt blended with the background. the trees thing if u dunno wat i mean heh heh

and fuck yeah leeds should have won against liverpool. wat a match. tak sia sia aku support leeds. i remembered the match dat made me decide to turn my back on man u. it was a few years ago when leeds beat lazio 1-0 in the champions league. the passion and skill that the played dat match in really turned me into a fan. unfortunately now though they are really struggling.. hope they do survive.. heh..

ish my star lagu merepek ar!!!

was surfing around and found dat i had several pictures in my shutterfly a/c.. so i decided to post them up.. and since i'm kinda bored i shall go scan some more pics of asthenia and the ps gig dat i went to... will be up in due time...

hey thx zad for totally making yesterday night's emo session enjoyable. really cracked me up with ur jokes. heh perfect medicine for wat i was feeling.

in the morning i had to be on duty for the ite open house. and heck instead of looking after our stall i went around with clarence, ban shin, and ray and played some games. won a couple of nice prizes. 3 glass candles, an alarm clock a notebook, a spiderman eraser and a dozen pens. so i guess i did pretty well. haha. so after the open house had ended i went off and met din allen and zack. they wanted to go apply at republic poly. so i tagged along. saw the campus and i tot i was in some old abandoned hospital or something. urh... och.... so they did wat they had to do and den we proceeded to the nearby mosque and did our afternoon prayers.something i have not done for a long time. blergh wat is becoming of me...

made our way to far east plaza after dat. Had our lunch and i bought a cap. leaving me with 15 bucks in my wallet and i actually started the day of with 26. urh must learn to save money. pay day in a weeks time. would only be getting 100 plus bucks. so pathetic. argh frust man....

sometimes chatting has become too much of a whine man. need more funnier people online. need smiles. need laughter at 3 am in the morning. need a feel good feeling. argh!!!

shall go friendster now.

u know earlier in the day.. the kids were laughing about how they fared in their o's and generally taking it all in a relaxed manner. But it all began to sink in when we were in the bus on the way home. what the fuck are we doing with our life. What The fuck am i doing with my life. I have no direction. No idea of what i wanna be. when i was in primary school and the teacher would ask us wat our ambitions are and what do we wanna be when we grow up. I would be like the only one in class who would think of sumthing just for the sake of giving an answer.
people chase dreams.
i daydream. thats all i ever do.

but all in all i accept that maybe ite isnt so bad after all. maybe god has already given me this path. so i should shut the fuck up and live with it. yipeeee. bt the thing about ite is. its just so fucking relaxed that the enviroment there doesn't promote studying at all. wat with the fucked up lecturers who cant even speak english properly, classmates who are...argh okie.. i'm whining again. shouldnt be complaining anyways. shouldnt be blaming others. i was the one who failed. i took the paper 2years ago and the reason i got into ite in the first place. but its heartbreaking to fail by just a grade for not once but 2 times. heh. anyways When i told my mum she wasnt even bit surprised or displeased. she just smiled and said "dah lar ko pi dudek jek pat ite. make sure ko belajar . " u know wat? i love my mum.

Now though i feel like going to the beach and set my thoughts to relax mode. cause at the moment my mind is filled with stuff. you know... stuff. try imagine and extract painting. imagine it moving. thats wats going on inside there. its just blurry images of shit . urgh madz need something to clear my mind. anybody have a ciggie???

blergh fucking o level results made me so fucked up... why do they tease me eveyytime.. 5 marks or so from a pass man... fuck those english bastards... now i know how valuable a mark is.. anyways to those who did well.. congrats...

underedge- without you

another wish ungranted
you open your doors and i fell through
why do i keep deluding?
memories that has never been true

but i know youll be right there failing
when i need u the most.
but i miss you so.
faces fading as i quickly lose control


today went well i guess. spent time with hilmi, rafi and adi cause fir was doing some open house thingy. Interesting people they are. makes me wonder why i dun hang out with them that much. ouh well they Kind of remind me of the project playkids. in a way that smoke usually covers the area that we sit in and girls would be the usual topic of conversation. anywaysfinally gonna get the rock band back on track. zack and yazid has already agreed. im completely stoked by it. I have been wanting to do this band for quite a while now. As long as i get to play incubus i'm happy. all we need is a vox though. anyone interested?

yesterday was history

tomorrow is a mystery

today is a gift

and i'm glad i spent it with you

got so sick of my band that i decided to remove their faces from my blog. and replace them with mine. heh. theres no better love than loving one's self

sessioning was great. Have one new song but the progression has not been completed. Shall try and work out something. Had fun with dan,zack, allen and din when they came to 'session'. Chilled underneath my block untill 9.30 pm. imagine my embarassment when my mother started shouting my name from the my flat. and yeah my flat is the top floor so cyou can probably imagine how loud my mother was. got another lecture from mum after dat got pissed off. i mean. in all seriusness, i was underneath the block the whole time. If i was somewhere else i would have understood if mum had been angry. sheesh besides the fact i'm 18 already. i still feel as though she treats me like some 12 year old. i bet 12 year old kids have more freedom den me. blergh. anyways i love my friends a lot...!!

waiting for dan and zack to come. Gonna create some new tunes hopefully cause we really need some new material. Its frustrating that after coming up with a melody and some tunes on my head it all dissappears whenever i pick up my guitar to write it all down. urgh FruSSSSt. i shall go beat up my pillow now.. byebye..

Underedge is fucking finished!!!

urh sensitivity towards other people around you. That is one really important issue. Guess i shall be careful with what i write on my blog. I just realised that there are people who actually read it. should introduce a counter somewhere here.

anyways my attendance for skool is really bad, got called into the officecause most of my modules are below 95% which is not a good thing. Shall plan out when i'm gonna cabut to save for rainy days.

feedback for my star has been really good. I'm really happy.smiling in fact. so i guess that means we are gonna go record our ep. i'm possibly aiming for 8 songs. dunch know if we gonna use fake drums or the real thing. shall confirm with dan

blergh im tired and gonna sleep .bye.



ada apa dgn cinta??

i suddenly feel like everybody's ignoring me.. shall investigate

hello guys... listening to the dumb star song that we finished recording.. if u guys wanna listen go to dan or zura's blog and try to download from there. yesterdays gig with first chapter was urh depressing larz... made hell lot of mistakes but people there told me "huh? wat mistakes?? u guys did great!!" haha yea rite.. played songs which we shouldnt play and i hell i played stuff that it shouldnt have and left out stuff that i should have blergh... anyways... if u guys want pictures.. go wan's blog.. i'm lazy to post up.. cause i look like a fucked up faggot.. weeeeee

anyways didnt get to see 180 and never too late cause the kids wanted to go laselle.. so project playground said goodbye to the first chapter and marina promenade and headed there.... shah was there too thx dude for coming to see us... . i owe him a lot man... first he payed for the plain sunset gig den he payed for my entry into laselle.. i love him so much.. must find more friends like him. (adds to wishlist)* anyways sour grapes was awesome... and idiot asshole tried to make a fool of himself by dancing or sumthing... which was not fucking funny... idiot.. fucker... so seven sundays went on... it was kinda boring urh their set.... but i love the effects their guitarists used.. reminds me of oasis.. wat ever happened to that band??? ok den gorbachev went on... and they were awesome.. really awesome... especially the bassist... ok den my precious went up... this was the band and the reason i followed shahrul to laselle in the first place.... they were good but not the type of music i like... too much screaming... den the cops came for wat reason i donno and stopped the gig... i assume it was because of some fights... anyhows... was pissed so me fir and shah went off in search of food and had our dinner at kfc only to find out that refunds were being given out so after finishing our food... we rushed back. my shoulders almost gave way cause i was carrying my damn guitar around since early this morning... and rushing up the overhead bridge doesnt help.. so didnt get our refund cause the money had already been locked up. instead the lady asked us to drop by in a week to collect it. not sure when. so we dragged ourself out and walked towards the bus stop. i dint bother to go and meet the guys cause i was too tired. so took the bus with fir and talked about how our gig went. and reached my grandma's home at 11.

today went to work which was fun. did bumper boat with dhai and pei shi. there were both fun to work with. pei shi was fun talking to and dhai well hes a psychopath. shall not say anymore cause im tired and i wanna rest so goodnights...

Everyday when you return from your school, whether or not it is from a secondary school, a junior collage, a polytechnic, or ITE, you would probably think that school sucks.
All that work and torture under your lecturer's or teacher's homework or assignments, or tutorials...
But think about this, i mean really think. All the time spent with your classmates, all the laughter, sorrows, and happiness of knowing that your friends are there in your class.
Now imagine them gone, perhaps part of them or even all of them. You may not realise it, but when advancing into the next level of education, it is inevitable that some friends will be parting with you.
What is all this you ask yourself, what I ask is of you to think, for those who received this mail, what do those people who were once or were still your classmates and friends meant to you.
Anyone who has at least finished their o levels and has graduated from respective schools would know the feeling of parting with your classmates and friends.
Not knowing when you still see them again.
Perhaps the next day, the next week, month, years, or even decade. Perhaps one day, you would realised how bitter sweet those memories were, the fun you had with your classmates and friends.
That is why ever so often when you asked someone which is the most fond memories they had in their years in education, they would often have that sadness in their eyes, but yet, they smile briefly.
It's the memories of their school friends. Those unforgettable years of laughter and happiness in school.
Each classmate had suffered under the same stresses in school. The teachers, whether they are kind or extremely strict.
So treasure your schooling days, don't complain, because you never know when you will miss them dearly. And perhaps, shed a tear for those treasured times in your youth.

i fucking cried reading this.... finally somebody gave me something worth reading for...

gig is in 3 hours time and its strange that i'm feeling as though i'm gonna go to a normal jamming session. quite a change from the unsleepable night i had before underedge's gig... my parents are in pahang.. visiting a relative and my sis is at my grandma's so i ahve the whole house to my own. i should be practicing but as in all cases.. last min work never pays off.. so im sitting down in front of the com listening to plain sunset.. yet again... they seem more listenable since they broke up. Dont know why..... my baby is back where she belongs and she looks awesome on my guitar stand. and i hope she doesnt break on me again. anyways back to first chapter. were gonna be playing 4 songs and we are first band so please do come early today. its only appopriate that first chapter is having their first gig and also playing first band. by the next gig i tink were gonna change our name to sec chapter. yeah dudes.!!! okie kids gonna go off and meet the guys for some breakfast... byebye

playing plain sunset - plain sunset on my guitar and i'm thinking.......... i thought had i put it all behind and i tot that i could walk away but every single thing u said has sticked around inside my head . im sure u dunt remember about the things u used to tell me and the things u used to do and u used to say. but now that its over i need to hear from you to find the strength to carry on. wish there was something more that i could say but all i know now is dat i miss you. i wish you would miss me too. you make me cry every time i tink of you. And you know dat i love you. but so long........ u know we couldn't save it . theres no need for you to tell me dat your sorry. do u remember how we stood and watched the sun together?? ill treasure those memories.. memories of our plainsunset...

today was fun.. guess meeting your closest friends and talking cock was wat i needed after a few depressing days.. went only to visual basic class today and spent time surfing the net comparing the metal zone with other distortion gadgets... i'm contemplating selling my mt-2 gadjet cause i want a much cleaner sounding pedal. days of 'the more distortion the better' are over.. so pondering over the proco rat and tubescreamer. which one should i get huh?? somebody help me k... hmmz dillemma... o well recording is finished except the back up vocals which we will do some other time when zura is free again... she sang wonderfully..... awesome even... spectacular... like ili said the english version of cokelat... ahah... but i felt a ting of guiltyness when she left though.. i mean she came all the way here to sing for our pathetic demo and she went home alone... the least we could do was sent her to the bus stop or sumthing.... sheesh wat friends are we yea?? ANYWAYS THANK YOU VERY much for joing the band... u raWKk!!!

2morrow gonna fetch my baby from swee lee.. den gonna get myself a mesh cap and maybe dat adidas jacket ... and den session with the chaps for the gig on saturday... weeeeeeee go visit the original emokids------------------> they rock!!

its not nice too see two close friends fight.. its really not nice... heartbreaking even. some of us really must know when to stop. hope everything will go well tomorrow. wat a fucked up week

nieways im sick of people saying in their msn nick... 'why do you guys talk behind my back... if not happy say it to my face' and all this crap... this are the same people who will quiver when confronted... the first to cry when their backs are against the wall.. so face it eh.. u people prefer hearing it from other people... mudderfuggers .... be honest for once willl ya

continuation of a fucked up day filled with problems.. added with shah's den iskandar's.. blergh... sometimes people's problems are the ones that affect me the most... not my own.... i feel as though my life is too problem free that i go around finding shit to make me depress. sticking my nose into other peoples business so i can spend time actually thinking and appreciating that i dun have to go through all this crap. this relationship problems this peer problems. this family problems. haiz all together kids "MADNESS"

.... this has been stupid nonsensical entry..

your no jesus your no elvis your not the answer to my problems... fuck offf....

fuck being happy

u know wat fuck singapore. fuck singapore for being a country where only grades count. i dun wanna live in a nine to five life. i wanna enjoy my life while i still can. life is too fucking short to slob away with assigments and tutorials and projects and shit . fuck dat man.
whine motherfucker whine

i jus tot of something interesting... when we were in sec 3 we kids made sort of like an amazing race to see who would get attached first.. i mean me,dan,allen,din,mus,is,zack,rashid, has all never been attached before at that point of time... so it was interesting to see who would first... dat was 2years ago now....sad to say i'm still last... well joint last with mus.. haha dude u rock!!!.. . first on the finishing line though was is, den dan got attached, den zack, allen and rashid. den after skool ended din got attached and recently alif. they have all went through failed relationships and also find new ones. my friends are getting attached and reattached except me. which is a FUCKING achievement... haha so i guess i'm the one who won this stupid amazing race after all.. eh wait a min.. yeah mus.. join me on the podium yeah??

apologises to readers for crappy entry

read din's blog and there is an almost identical entry about being sensitive and shit.. heh thats nice

vibes At Marina Promenade Saturday, 21 February 2004 3pm till late Price - Free



Bands:
Rushed
Rough Cast
Y2K
First Chapter
A Subtle Revenge
Never 2 Late
One Eighty
Mistaken Identity
Generation 69

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ish time for a whining session.

well most of my classmates probably know me as the fun gayish bastard that they can always make fun of and ahve a good laugh at.. and this persona has stucked till now... and its getting kinda old... obviously none of them can tell when i'm in a good mood and not.. and dat sucks when they keep baragging me with shit and at the same time blatantly ignoring my cries for help cause they tink here i am trying to irritate them again.. well fuck dat shit urh... and yea another thing i found out about myself is i guess i'm a very sensitive person... exp.. i walk by a group of girls and they burst out in laughter.. i immediately tink they are laughing at me... i enter a bus sit down beside an old apek. he puts his hand to his nose.. and i immediately think i smell bad... walk past a park with a pondok full of mats and they start cursing and laughing.. i immediately think its about... well i tink everything is about me... u all might call it shiok sendiriness but hell its probably about my insecurity with the way i am. yes i am fucking insecure and it really doesn't help that i wake up everyday and stare at the mirror on the end of my bed. hurh need help !!

"hello prepaid hotline??"

listening to the recenlty recorded version of my star.... and yeah the metal zone effect.... the guitars sounded terrible.. especially mine... well den again ONly mine sounded horrible.. zack used his zoom and buit in amplifier distortion so it did sound better than mine ... urh i'm so gonna throw away my metal zone.... urh.. anybody wanna buy??? blergh... and yeah no offenct to rashid.. the bass sounded horrible too... well the plug straight into amp effect.... haha but wat the hell for an amateur home recording it sounded pretty nice and okie... o well last few days went well.. saturday's jamming with first chapter was great fun , i mean jamming with the chaps has been always fun... but there was something special about yesterdays plus the heartbreak of my dear epiphone's bridge getting broken .. practically gave way when wan was tuning my guitar... haiz ... anyways was surprised to see zura turn up.. tot she had skool.. but all the more better that she could come... she is singing 'one' song called fallen with pride for us.. and let me repeat yes 'ONE SONG'! KHUS and TWEET remember that!!! she is underedge property oki?? hahahahha........

work was a bitch... shall not talk about it... gonna be a bz week.. gonna go swee lee and ask them to replace the bridge... i know i could do it myself but heck its a brand new guitar that i bought.. and its already giving me problems so yeah better fucking fix it... den of course friday is re-recording... saturday is gig and yeah sunday working again... weeepop

sessioning by the bay was hellot of fun... session with the ska bangers first while waiting for tweety and azura to arrive.. and yeah we completed the winning eleven song with horns and all.. really cool.. u guys rock... den zura came and tweety came with shain... that rockstar from msc... heh so recapped all the songs... guess im pretty prepared for it and im singing one song!! yey!!!! haha shall not reveal wat song though... den we played the winning eleven song again.. and practically made a nuisance of ourselves, luckily the police were not called in... heh so got home and got lectured by my mum which was the only blip from an otherwise fun day...

finch-bury me


I'm sorry, but red's my color now
guess you got to me somehow

this mistake is breaking me
she said, she said
Just shut your mouth and take the blame
and paint your face with the shame
I know because I know

Take these eyes and bury me
so that I can't see your face
and when you die, I won't cry
I've been there before, flesh is warm

but I've grown cold
State your claim into my veins
and scrape my face into your hands
and bend me to the ground


Take these eyes and bury me
so that I can't see your face
and when you die, I won't cry



I can't justify your eyes, your eyes
justify your eyes, your eyes
justify your eyes
Take these eyes and bury me
so that I can't see your face
and when you die I can't cry


I can't cry
I can't cry
I can't cry
I can't cry
I can't cry

p.i.e lesson today set me thinking. Well basically we had to list out our personal weakness and make it into a strength.. and i listed down anti socialness as my weakness. After confiding in the lecturer she went up and told the whole class. Interestingly enough the strength about being anti-social and having just a small group of friends like i do, is dat it eliminates all those superficial people. 'friends' who u see everyday and say hi to but dun even know your name. Friends that you feel forced to say something to avoid getting called arrogant or something. Well thats plenty of those. Shall not name any, Another strength is that u tend to be very loyal to the small group of friends that you have. Thats true, really true. And thats the reason i'm always seen with dan,din,alip,zack,allen and now fir. Yeah dude. The guy whom i almost never fail to irritate everyday at skool. You rock. Anyways 2morrow session with 'the chapters' and re-recording my distortion parts. My sense of timing is way off and my guitar playing just sux. Hoping to go republic poly open house with dan and din in between. Their intentions is to enrol these june but mine is to just go there and look at someone. Hehe :P cheerios.

in networking class and i hate it. heh fucking hate it. o well recording for bintang ku is finished, juz left the vocals and mixing . Not gonna send it for mastering cause its juz one song that we plan to give gig organizers. And yeah on the 21st underedge might be playing too but on a diff venue to the one that first chapter is playing. Priorities though lie with first chapter cause its our first gig. And heck im really looking forward to it. so yeah we shall see on the 21st. Ok thats all ok go

got home early today..... needed some rest and i'm gonna go sleep now

haiz i miss plain sunset already.. i have only begin to start supporting them and they had to disband... so cruel.. the amazing thing is that i have only gone 2 two of their gigs prior to the epilogue but yet they have influenced me so much... JON!!! hahaha anyways the show was fucking emo.. i tell you goosebumps were all over my body when they played love songs for the emotionally wounded... a song i have never liked but yet when they played it live... i felt like crying... i mean seriusly crying... boohooo cry emo kid cry.... but yeah it was a very emotional night i can see it in the eyes of jon, sham and nizam... ronny was smiling all the way.. cool fella.. hehe.. o well... recording my star on tuesday... jus heard the rough demo of zura singing the song.. its sounds pretty never too late-ish.. but hahah hope it turns out under-edge-ish in the end.... HAHA OKIE CRAPPY!!!!!!!! anyways.. screw all of you who werent at the show!! hahahahaha juz kidding.. have a nice night...!! adios

so fucking love iris riot.... sweet november has been playing on my winamp for 1 one whole month now... so emotional man this kids... hehe anyways skool starts in 15 mins time.. gonna go out now.. and SO SORRY RAIHAN!! haiz... i'm so pathetic...

urgh in class right now and im totally frustrated with this visual basic asignment. I like have totally no idea what to do. Screw this shit.. heh somebody just burst in laughter.. (looks behind) .. ahahaha the kids are watching the william hung audition for american idol.. hahha She baNgs SHe Bangs... fucking hilarious...

went to skool got locked out went home slept played games updated blog made adjustments to band site blablalblalbalbalblalbla

hey dudes.. work was fun.. go paired up with michelle.. the cute and chubby girl.. talked a lot of crap with her, she had these cheeks which i wanted to cubit cubit.. wahrow so cute... haha so overall it was fun.. den met the guys who were having a session... we are after all forming a ska band.. hehha.. and im playing drums.. yey!!! all the members are learning new instruments.. dan is switching to guitar... zack is playing the clarinet... me drumming.. alif is trying the trumpet... so yea the usual suspects are getting together to play music... sure gonna be fun man... anyways im off to playstation land...

heres soem of the pix courtesy of apis.. love u baby...!!



ramlee on the bass


turtle on lead guitars


pi-ee on guitars and whining


tiger on drums


zura on vocals



ramlee and tiger



ramlee tiger and zura

fie2e owner of this ridiculous and unmeaningful blog. and yes he is smiling at you.. please smile back.. hahhaa

asthenia went well... i guessed... hahah have to see the video of our performance to see if it did go well.. but yeah the moment i stepped into the hall and heard cheap thrills playing.. i felt so fucking out of place man... all these power bands were playing... and we are like second rated shit.. sheesh so malu.. hehe anyways.. i'm so in love with no direction... they were awesome and have always been... love their new stuff as much as i love their old stuff.. and ss9... I HATE YOUR JOB!!! ehehahe nice nice.....



anyways if u guys do wonder.. we do have a website... its Your-e heh

just finished reading allens blog and i decided to write something... and heck its about the so called scenesters... the one who go to the gigs to just skank and mosh and bodysurf but fuck care abt the music... yeah them... the ones who go to gig and dress up to look cool.... and then go home and write on theier online blog about how they skanked and moshed and bodysurf but yet there was nothing about the bands... isn;t gigs about bands performing??? they only become happy when the ska bands come up.... sure i maybe a hypocrite in saying all this bcoz i too skank and mosh and do these stupid things... but i do sincerely care about the music... and this is my fucking blog so i am fucking happy to write about what i want and hey fucking poser lutfi.. u suck balls... from biker to skater to hip hopper to mat to PUNK?? screw you.. hhaha sheesh.. dun mind me i'm so full of crappiness...

fuck . wat a day. Firstly flunked my fucking maths test cause as usual.. did not study so i blame myself den went home and picked up the ringing telephone to hear my sister crying. Guess what. My darling 'angel' of a sister was caught smoking at skool. Yeah it was interesting to find out my fathers reaction to that. but i didn't bother that much cause i was too engrossed on my smackdown game. Damn that triple h)Guess, maybe i'm not a good brother. I could have prevented all this but den again i could have made it worst. well anyways jamming left a hole in my pocket. A large hole. not sure how much i took out. It was certainly the most expensive jam session i had. It was at garage studios and one hr costs us 16 bucks. multiply by 2 and hey. Yea.. that expensive. gig 2morrow and i'm fucking nervous. trying hard to remember the lyrics and drinking as much water as i can. Just to relax my throat. the set that we are playing does seem very short. Proabably less than 20 mins. but nvm. The faster the better. i'm really stoked that zura has confirmed that she has joined us permanently. she has an excellent vocal range and can't wait to go into the studios and record 'my star'. anywyas see you guys at the gig and those taggers.. love you all very much and thx for the luck wishing.. hehe :)


i donno why she had to do this??? i loved her the way she was... but with all people whom i look up to and admire.. they always seem to dissapoint me.. this includes michelle branch.. u all think i might be happy.. but fuck shes like the girl next door, the stylish one who uses her music to attract attention.. not her body... shes like the ct nurhaliza of the west... but haiz.. wat is the world coming to??

waiting for the 'wild boars' show to start and its freakin boring, passing time chatting with nurin,ili,apis and shah.apis giler yey yey!! hehe and hey today i saw one of the wild boars in my skool... forget his name though.... Hhaha madness... An ACTOR had a sip of my vanilla coke!! omigoD!!! heheh


anyways talking about actors and acting, i tink i wanna become a part time actor.Dun laugh but I mean how difficult can it get, seeing as how bad the acting is on suria and ch5, might as well i try my luck right?heheh anyhows i can't believe that Dawn Prima Ria, the tall lanky girl from sec 5n1 is on tv. Yes, the loner who walks like a peacock around the canteen and is always with her boyfriend after skool. The one with the beehive hair.. the one with the.. hehe nvm. anyways gig in 3 days time and i haven even finished writing the lyrics for one of our originals.. die die liao... weee

hey dudes and dudettes love you!!

in class right now and counting the days before our gig. HEhe tak SABARNYE aku. hhehhe. Anyway The past few days, me and the guys have been talking among ourselves how old we are. i mean when you turn 18 its like u feel so so so OLD. I mean the sec 4 abg abg and kakak kakaks, the people whom we used to always look up to and also admire ae now our juniors. Amazing heh? No wonder the the sec 4 nowadays look so young. hahha k k i'm blabbering again. Goodnight!

god is really fair. I complained alot yesterday about the weather being hot and all and i prayed today wasnt gonna be that torturous. And hell yeah It rained the whole day at escape. So all i did was sit at the flume ride station and talked with ruzaimah, farid, roswina and fahmy. Learned more about them. Roswina who looks like a 13 year old is actually a year older then me. Surprise surprise. Shes so small. haha reminds me of suhailah. Well maybe not that petite but yeah. hahha anyways. working again 2morrow and i completely stoked that my mother allowed me to borrow 500 bucks from my bank a/c to buy my guitar for the upcoming gig. But she made me promise that i have to repay back the full amount before i could spend again. No problem. HEHe i'm so happy. Happy like a bird. weeeee

listening to: plain sunsett- photos of us

work was fucked up today. It felt close to hell . And the majority of the people there were indians. I'm not being racist or anything but with the heat and all. U get the picture. Anyways. My parents are in johor and they are still not home and i'm so hungry. I need food. Hearing huda with her roti kirai makes my stomach grumble extra hard. Hmmz madness. And yeah its official. She is joining us full time. I'm quite happy and sad at the same time. Now i play rythm guitar for both my bands. Not The LEAD VOX but just the lame rythm guitarist that everybody ignores. heheh but at the same time i'm happy for ue cause the weak link, my voice is finally gone. HEhhehe haiz. Wish there was something more, that i could say to you..

here i am updating again. The net is so boring yet i still waste my time in front of the freaking comp. I wanna have a conversation with someone but i'm sure like all of our past conversations, it will end very quickly cause she has to go teach her brother or go to the toilet or do assignments or talk on the phone. o well everybody has his or her own reasons yeah? anyways lets talk about 2003 shall we? well i shall always remember 2003 as the year of relaxation. Seeing that i spent half the year lying on my bed, watching tv and generally doin nothing there are few things dat could probably stick on my mind when i tink about 2003. 2003 was when your-e had or first gig. 2003 was a year dat introduced me to the post hardcore screamo emo scene. 2003 was when i got posted to to ite tampines. 2003 was the year that everything seemed to suck. and thats fucken sad.


favourite cd for the year 2003: taking back sunday(tell all your friends
favourite song : theres no i in team
favourite moment: performing for the first time
least favourite moment: receiving o level results
least favourite song: the cheeky song (the cheeky girls) this will forever earn mtv a place of hatred in my heart
least favourite band : good charlotte(blergh)

close friends whom i have learned to trust that i made in 2003: Shah, Fir, Adi, First chapter (love you guys!!)

haiz i'm becoming lamer and lamer... YEY

listening to: b2k-bump bump bump

hmmz i'm currently thinking of a hip hop nickname for myself. Dun ask me why. But when you have nothing to do, strange things crawl around in you head. So hit me with something aight? haha. Anyways, finally got myself a hp. My first ever hp and its a second hand 3330. Yes its a lame phone but the soul purpose of a phone is for u to contact and be contacted. SO theres no need for me to get those fancy fancy ones. i guess or most real hopei will be getting a dgcam by next month. It all Depens on how much i get for my next pay which is 2 weeks away. Hoping to earn an extra 200 bucks this few weeks.. den yeah weee get myself that cybershot that i ahve always wanted. But den again. Hmmmz how bout that guitar? blergh!! neeD MONEY!

u suck and dats sad

man hearing my own voice on the demo makes me puke. I dun need those people on the tagboard to tell me i can't sing. I know it for a fact. But anyways i read the new tag board entries on the ue website and it made me smile. I mean if people keep visiting our site and flooding our tagboard, we must have done something right rite? heh! SO anyways todays jamming was great but i'm fucken struggling with my stories your alibis. The guitars are kinda complicated and the low tone that they sing during the verses.. i can't reach that. But i'll try my best. End of the road is fucken fun to play. Especially since i am not singing so i'm free to move about and create an ass of myself. Hehe. Jump up here and there.. move about. Showing the middle finger to allen and other things... etc etc. I would love to say we are ready for the gig but we are not... seriusly not. The tightness is missing in most of the songs. Especially originals. Have 3 more jam sessions to fucken correct it before the gig. If not we are completely screwed. And i Mean screwed... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE pop

In Iwad class right about now. My favourite class this term. Everything revolves around web designing which is sweet. Learning how to create forms now and hey i'm sitting right in front. HehE. Anyways gonna have jamming with the edgies later. Just hoping everthing will turn out well. 2 weeks to go and rabia just told me we are second band which is better than first band. SO i hope there will be a good crowd turnout.

Maybe i should hate you for this.. ?

just finished reading the band site. We got dissed.. again. But i really dun mind. Branded ripoffs and getting threats to get beat up and all of dat. Were used to it. Imagine being beaten up just because we play bad music. No wonder. Anywyas to zack, rashid and dan. I sincerely apologize for the mess i made of our demo. If it was another person singing, the demo would have been way better. I really do tink it would be. on the 31st, hopefully will be the last time i would be singing for underedge and yeah most probably the last time you'll be hearing underedge. The Overedge rip offs and the useless espionage wannabes. goodbye.

listening to - radiohead - karma police
feeling - taking back sunday

had fun yesterday at jam x. The bands were cool, the music was great, x's hafiz was magnificent, though i didn't stay to see who won, i certainly hoped tissue won. Heh they were great yeah. But still the picture of Hafiz playing his amazing solos are still in my mind. Rock never die!! yeah! hehe.

Anyways I have always felt that i have a free mind when it comes to music. I will listen to almost anything. punkrock,indie alternative, pop , heck even hip hop, well some forms of it, But everybody has exceptions, mine being techno and metal. Yeah~~ metal... i dun like metal, dun ask me why, but i just dunt. It just doens't appeal to me. Dun get me wrong, i respect metal guitarists, i just stand in awe at the ease of which they play their solos and riffs and sweeps. Amazing. But i dun have to like the music they play .. do i?? Though after saying all dat i guess i would contradict myself by currently stating that i am learning to play a metallica song on my guitar. Heck its taken me hours and i still haven got it right. Heh and yeah Nura J is my dream malay girl!!!! this... after bumping into her and i mean 'bumping' into her in tampines ummmz sweet

listening to - taking back sunday- your so last summer

ive come to a part of my life where everything has been set and my path has become a one way street. After completing my 2 years i will serve in the army for another 2 years den go back to studying in polytechnic or even stop studying all together and become an It specialist or some sort. This is what i hope my next few years of my life would turn out. But at the same time i'm hoping that something extra would pop out and make me drive my car off this one way street. Something else, something exciting. And i need that 'something' right about now. something that could pull me away from this vicious circle. U know like the song semi charmed life from 3rd eye blind? Those lyrics suit me perfectly. Just feel so redundant. hmmmz o well anyways... i'm really hoping that all my friends come to the asthenia gig. I need as much support as i can get. the poly kids, i want them to be there. Not so much the ite bunch thoug but fir adi and shah. I would love it if u guys came. Just to see you guys when i'm up there should give me the motivation to give a kick ass show. hehe as if. But i'll try my best. I'm only worried about my vocals. All this negative feedback is really a downer but heck i i dun really care. Just hoping to brush it aside.

huda ur becoming a babe ;) heh..

Taking back sunday- Your so last summer


She said "Don't.
Don't let it go to your head.
Boys like you are a dime a dozen.
Boys like you are a dime a dozen"
She said
"You're a touch overrated.
You're a lush and I hate it."
But these grass stains on my knees
they won't mean a thing
And all I
Need to know
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...
I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to, the truth
is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
And all I
Need to know
Is that I'm somethin you'll be missing
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...
'Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
'Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, you're a liar.

underedge: my star


sweet dreams my love
i hope u sleep well
watching you is peace
and i can't think of anything
as beautiful as you
a shooting star
can't make me turn away
for im fixed upon your face
your innocence
your sweet embrace
dun go
i want you here with me
cause thers nothing in this world
that could take this moment away
and when u breathe i take you in
can't explain what i feel inside
and i wish that i could
just be the one with you all night
and when u wake up plz just know
ill be right there where you are
everyday, in every way,
u know that ilove you
dun go
i want you here with me
please stay
forever in my heart you'll be(thanks to ath for this line!!!)

and when u wake up plz just know
ill be right there where you are
everyday, in everyway,
u know that ilove you
and when the stars go up
i lie awake and tink about your face
the way u smile the way u laugh
the way u look at me and say....

my gosh me first and the gimmes gimmes end of the road...??? wtf song man... u guys seriusly wanna play this??? o well..... anyways.... took my incubus cd when going out with my parents... listened to old favourites like pardon me and idiot box... wow amazing stuff.. mike einziger is a genius... i just surfed guitargeek.com and saw his effects rack... fucken loaded with stuff man... my long term goal is to get all his effects.... haha den i can pleasure myself with all the weird sounds... hahah short term goal though is dat fucken ts-9..... fucken shitz...

ouh shit my fever is back.... i guess i wont go to skool tomorrow... again... haha weee... anyways... suppose to have jamming with the first chaps today but can't cause my family booked me already.... family come first in almost everything i do so.. sorry tweet... i just realised my schedule is freaking tight man.... last term our timetable was like 8 to 12... 8 to 11 but now 8 to 5 8 to 3 8 to 4... madness sia... no time to jam and no time to hang out with the kids... both my bands can only jam on weekends cause some members are tied with school and ns.... so its mad man... sheesh... gig coming in 2 weeks... and i'm writing a new song.. so we will be playing pretty much new stuff on this gig...hope it turns out well...

today... i made a bubble with my nose..!!

only a crazy person like me would leave a 300 cheque waiting at his workplace for over a week and still not collect it... hah... weeeeeeeee anyways have u guys ever been irritated by this one word.... this word makes me so sick and irritated that i pissed all over my underpants... yea man... this word is LERR.... knn i get this all over in msn.. ler this ler that ler this ler that... if ever that word comes out again.. i swear i'm gonna shat man... well anyways... suppose to be working.. but decided i'm too sick too work.. so called mashoor and here i am designing a header pic for my lame blog... decided it was too simple.... so shall be completed in a few mins

heh stole this from rabia's blog... unbelievable!!! we're playing!!

just typing in before i buzz of to skool.. been really sick the alst few days... fever reaching as high 39.5... so obviously did nothing except playing smackdown and need for speed on my ps.... but kept losing cause my head was feeling giddy ... so anyways after skool gonna go jamming ... reluctantly that is.... i'm like in totally no position to jam but have to sacrifice for the sake of band members who have been calling me non-stop while i was asleep the past few days... ok skool starts at 2 yet i'm still on my com typing this out... haha nice eh... so long..

*note1* girls are not animals in the zoo... do not wave at them if u do not know them....

*note2* do not pretend to be gay in public bus

*note3* fat apeks suck!

in visual basic class right now... can't wait for it to be over... its obvious that nobody is listening to the lecturer right now... all caught in their own world... jus end the damn thing larh

where did my 150 dollars go??

weeee wat a few days... didn't have much time to waste on my computer... cause since my black beauty came into my life.. i have other better things to do.. hehe so i just reached home from work ... a very exhausting day indeed.. so lets go back to the 31sof december 2003 shall we... so yeah the pit went really great... enjoyed it a lot... let me remember who the people were... yusoff,dan,din,alif,allen,kartika were there when i arrived.... den i left for sim lim square.... dun ask me wat i searched for... hehe so anyways when i returned... alan,id,sub,aizat,kyn and wada had joined the group... it was sure fun... hotdogs hotdogs and more hotdogs... laughed a lot talking crap with the guys... the only people who didn't seem to have fun were kyn and wada... but can't blame them ... we never layan them oso.. heh... so people came and people went.. zack and a one legged yazid came den the rch group den syahmi and his friends den wan captain and his clubbers den din berok and alam with his friend.... den fizah came with this cute girl ... donno her name... heh really cute.... den yan kopeng came.... threw him and zack in the water... rogol sam and din... and did other crazy things hehe haha and den i wanted to go to escape cause its 5 dollars man.. but nobody wanted to go with me.. so decided against the idea...

did not sleep... cause the tent was full of people and didn't even lie down till about 5 when me dan and yan went to cheers.. ate miyogo talk crap den met aizat,alam,alam's friend, kartika,allen, and walk walk at the swamp... nothing much there.. but the temptation to look back is really.. really... sheesh... so after that decided to go home cause i was really tired.... chilled with my black beauty for a while den slept...den worked on friday... and here we are... on saturday.... watching wrestling right now... interesting heh.. ahaha