whoah. singapore 1-2 japan. hows dat for a scoreline??? certainly surprised me but i had sort of a feeling that japan gave singapore way too much face cause from wat i saw.. japan could have easily gotten more den 5 goals considering how many chances they waste. but all in all... congrats to singapore on a job well done. im guessing the papers will be filled with headlines about how singapore football is heading into the right direction and all.
yeah right? malaysia will come over and kick their asses again, again and again...

anyhows #emo channel got taken over by some asshole from the band madshack i tink.. wat an idiot!! wat is he trying to prove and he had the cheek to ask us to grow up??? fuck off.wat a good way to get urself involve in the scene o well. some people just cant stop digging their own graves.

came to skool early today so as to escape saturday duty. kind of like an achievement considering that i have consistently woken up half an hour before skool starts. so now im doing some linux installation and i have no FRIGGIN idea. okie nieways yesterday's chatting session at #emo channel really reminded me of the times when #kubur was alive and well. there were a hell lot people in that channel. I mean i would purposely go back home early so dat i can chat with the assholes. it was really fun. but then we all grew up and got tired of chatting. just like we got tired of playing counter strike. wooo yeah we would blow huge amount of money just to get 2-3 hrs of lan gaming. ha ha those were the days.
to the pp assholes.... biler nak main game lagik??
getting my pay in a few days time. like yeah man!! hoping it will be enough to buy me a digital camera. not just a camera. a good one. urmz so... okie okie i need to go now...

underedge - no title

i'll call your name
and wonder if you'll ever answer..
going desperate
your scent is fading away...
i feel so far....
and i feel so distant....
its like your faceless to me
can't u see im withering....


its a long way home and i cant see
my futures right there in front of me
where do i go from here
these dreams dissapear
intertwining paths forever lost without you
darkened skies you shine right through...

and i cant go on without you in my life..


well im sorry but i cant help it
these tears has flowed on far too long
deep inside u know im failing, so why do you choose to break the bond?

u left me alone...

heh.. this song is stuck in my head... one of the best songs i have written.. but yeah we didnt play this song too well at vibes... hehe o well...

where are you now?? i can hear footsteps. maybe im dreaming.....

hmmz its sad but true, ive made up my mind. seriusly though, i thought that the band had potential. i was already picturing us playing at a 3 letter sessions type gig one day but den i tot we were already cursed when he said those words. first gig, first band, first chapter. and yeah thats where the story ends for me. the first chapter. hope everything goes well for them. good luck for your future endeavours.

thx for the memories.....

yeah im feeling this!!

marchtwelve - telephone

my finger remembers the buttons to press
even after i tried so hard
to erase your number from memory
and failed to detect the need to forget
the hurt
the urge
to hear the voice
that for many times had kept me going

and when i get too tired
i fall asleep with the phone clutched close to me
its ringing constantly
i doubt that anybodys picking up
but then i hear a voice on the line
it wasnt what i needed to forget
the hurt
the urge
to hear the voice
that for many times had kept me going

and when i get too tired
i fall asleeep with the phone clutched close to me
i want to forget the memory
i need to be away from misery
(pick up the telephone )
i want to forget to pain
i need the sun more than i need the rain.

we sucked just now. honestly we sucked. i made a hellot of mistakes.. and i wish we could have played find a way a little better.. argh dammit.. sorry jon!!!! argh!!!! madness..

i simply loved the people i hanged out with today, fir,dan,alif,aliff,allen,azura,lina,dynn,din,zack,taufiq,lukman and hmmz there were a lot.. cant possibly remember all... but nvm.. the fact is i had fun throughout the gig... the music was great. a losing streak, dead end, pop whizee, shoe size nine blew my brains out.. all of them were suiperb!!! learned a lot just standing and looking at them.

so niehows.. the whole group ended up at s-11 after the gig ended... me,zack, taufiq,dynn,din,alip,allen,aliff, dan, lukman... there was lizard, tasya, sammy and his girl, so yeah.. said hello... den we caught leeds vs birmingham live... which was a stupid match cause leeds lost.. but nvm.. it was very kecoh man with they all... had a fucking fun time.. laughing my guts out at every single little joke. superb lar... had so much fun... wish i could hang out with this particular group of people.. like the extended pp.. heh.. haish.. weeee wishful thinking yeah?? argh but nieways went back home late... got scolded.. but nvm.. dat cant take away the super fun that i had... love yea guys untill mad...!!!!

the emptiness has found its way back into me. urgh just feel the urge to make love with a tree or a lamp post or even the fucking mailbox ala rob schneider in the animal. heh.

hmmz something else i like to add which irritates me alot

have u guys ever been turned of by people saying that they hate poseurs in the I hate section of their blog. I mean doesnt it ever occur to them that they themselves might be poseurs?

something for u guys to tink about. heh and yeah name taken fucking rulez!

been awhile since ive blogged. i mean really really blogged. Last few entrys were typed down just for the sake of updating. Guess my life isnt worth writing about.

Read massy's blog and yeah it does really suck to have people diss and cuss you online. No matter how nice you are to people, there are some idiots who dunt give a fuck. The net is littered with them. At audioreload, band sites, blogs, literally everywhere. I for one dun give a shit. say wat u wanna say. im fucking ignorant.

Feel really sorry though for her and apis but its something that some people might have to get used to if theyre writing stuff about their personal lives. Thats why having a blog is kind of risk. It lets people whom u dont even know, read about your life. and they will of course, make automatic assumptions.

most people i know in real life are different from their personality online. I know dat for a fact. I mean an absolutely emo,sad, pathetic bugger who complains to you everynight on msn might be the most cheerful person in real life. An outgoing or bubbly person on msn could be as quiet as a door mouse

so yeah dun put ur trust in someone behind a computer.
especially a person like me. heh.
i have a maths test tomorrow so im gonna hit the books now.

reply to the taggers: shaw tee- haha no no u mean the sun is getting hotter. im dark until mad
linda- hello
alif - discuss ur nenepop lar
xthrowdowx- ye ye discuss this sat
tweet - yeah emo sucks, so does everything else
sinaran kejayaan- yea yea bawah block!serius!
her- yeah your linked too!

ok bye??

its raining and i cant seem to sign in my msn. haish. my relatives are in the living room but i dun really tink i should be out there catering to their needs. not in the mood to do dat.

i wish you would miss me the way that i miss you. honestly.....

feeling so hyper right now but at the same time super shagged. Jamming went well... amazing how time flies when ur having fun. played find a way. A song i never thought i could play but it turned out alright. But if u ask me. I would honestly say we are not prepared for the gig this sat. but nvm. heh. ok super tired shall sleep now.

just updating for the sake of updating.. work was a bore, got lost in sengkang while on the way to hafiz's, finished the stupid swe project which i knew nothing about, went to compass point, got lost on the way back from compass point, reached home at 2200 hrs, watched man yoo beat hotspurs 3-0, watched blade 2, chatted for a while, updating blog. updated blog. goodnights.

work was 'happening' yesterday. Honestly was. Had a lot of fun with naim, baqir and bunch. bunch fell into the water twice well not his whole body but both his legs. One for each time. And it was fucking hilarious but yeah MAintAin CooLnEss yea?? hahaha.

Didnt go to the mosh launch cause i was given overtime. Which was fine by me cause i needed the extra money. I mean heck it was ska anyway, so i guess i didnt really miss much. Got to do the flume ride!! albeit ticketing but sangeetha was kind enough to teach me the controls i even got to take the ride for testing. it was freaking high... and the plunge was punishing.. urh... lost my heart for a while there haha but yeah. i also did a matrix kinda manoever in front of the guests. well as u know the flume ride has 2 plat forms. one for exiting and one for entering. it is seperated in the middle by a conveyer belt which moves the boats. so i was crossing the entering platform to the exit platform to basically brief the guests. so when i stepped on to the conveyer belt. sangeetha accidentally moved the conveyor belt so i spinned 360 degrees, fell onto the platform and immediately got back up in one sweeping move. wah madness... hahah didnt know i could do dat..

*maintain coolness*

nieways im now a big fan of alif's blog. i mean seriously i tot all he wrote in there was crap but now hor.. hehe yeah really love it.. k im off to prayers now.. see yea guys later..

ah mad why do i always have to have sucky days... or sucky endings to happy days... argh.. yesterday was fun but it all ended sucky cause i accidentally throwed my sisters shoes away... argh madnes... there goes another hundred bux... haiyah

todays outing with han was refreshing.. really really refreshing... i mean when u go out with someone new, there are like new topics to talk about, new things to learn and even though me and han have been friends for 2 years already... ive only met her a few times. haha so yea considered new oso. And heck she had a lot of things to talk about so yea really enjoyed her company.... thx! whooPz

felt as though i need to write something. so im gonna.

okie dats all for today... good nytes

4 days is quite a long time duncha tink?

i have a distinct feeling that somebody is ignoring me. donno.. maybe im jumping to conclusions but den again... o well just miss her company dats all...

decided to go the ska fest after all and it was boring ar... i came late and saw only cesspit. They were great but somehow i remember having more fun at the cesspit/59mins cd launch several moons ago. the crowd was better ar. 4 bands doesnt really constitute the gig being called Ska fest. would have been been way better if zakko's band played. Plan to fool ring a bell?? heh. tired of life. already byebye...

dotz

sending out my condolences to huda and her family. Sorry for your loss.....

at work time flew past extraordinaryily fast... my only regret though was it didnt rain.but heck now den its raining...

eating mint ice cream now while lsitening to blink 182's enema of the state. I got reunited with it yesterday. like after 2 years or so of finding it. Donno if it was dat long but heck sure it felt dat way. *mental note* NEVER lend any more cds to friends yang takleh harap!) ok go!!

anyways session was great yesterday. well i tink so.. haha. 4/5 of your- ass came.. bassist not included.. hurhur... Managed to work out several songs. azura was limping because of an injury sustained in a soccer match.. and i was like.. hurhur wah madness happening siolz...!!! ahha east hammers got team to challenge already.. haha so merepekz lar... k... so during a break.. i sat down with din and i looked up at the sky.yes ar i dpt TGK STARS... hurhur but den ar... zura corrected me dat some were satellites.. in fact all the twinkly twinkly stars are satellites... so it was lame lar..

twinkle twinkle little satellites...

nieways... i was really disgusted by all those couples exchanging saliva at the esplanade.. i mean cmon lar.. go do it in behind some bushes or sumthing.. not in full view of the public. even a lesbian couple were doing it. ARGH!!! in times like this i wish i had my own dat i could smooch... haiz... http://friendster.com .....

this is a very interesting article dat i got from someone's blog. it kept me company for quite a while... if u guys donno me dat well. I reallly love to read. I would buy a book and keep reading it day ang night till its over. The only reason i stopped reading nowadays is because my library card got revoked.. so.. heh happy reading


The Racist's Apology
by Alfian Saat

Introduction
This is an email written by 24 year old Singaporean writer Alfian Sa'at. He had earlier written to the artscommunity e-group saying that he was willing to hold creative writing workshops, but only for "indigenous Singaporeans". Somebody asked the obvious, and this is his reply.


I walked out of the house this morning and feared I had become a racist. I passed by a newsstand and a magazine tells me about 50% of the world's most beautiful people are from the West, 10% from Singapore, 45% from HongKong and Taiwan and 5% from India and Malaysia. A JC Decaux billboard says that a lot of people read their ads and they have faces to prove it: Chinese people of various ages and occupations and genders. There are some which show non-Chinese people but they don't have the dignity of individual names, and they are put under the heading 'The Changing Face of Singapore'.

This can mean that perhaps the media is using more non-Chinese people in their ads (which I don't see) or that Singapore's demographic makeup is being altered by the arrival of other races (which I am not aware of, historically). I take a bus and TV Mobile is screening a Taiwanese variety programme. A Singaporean beauty contestant wears a cheongsam as her national costume and asks for an interpreter to translate her replies from Mandarin. The Speak Mandarin campaign informs me of what assets are missing from my life.

Tanya Chua's music video comes on and I unconsciously tally the number of Malay people that appear; I have been doing this for some time now, when I was in JC there was a 'My Singapore' music video which showed images of corporate-looking Chinese women walking through the CBD and Malay women in factory uniforms walking through a bus interchange. Tanya Chua's 'Where I Belong' shows three instances of Malay people populating the landcsape: a husband and wife riding a scooter; a father and son on a bicycle, the son carrying a box one presumes is filled with curry puffs or goreng
pisang, and a group of Malay youths playing soccer in a housing estate ghetto so rundown, it looks like an opposition ward being denied of upgrading, or one of those satellite towns built when Jurong swamps were still being filled.

But perhaps this is an improvement over other images: the satay man, the songbird owner, the mee rebus Makcik, the Malay bride and groom getting married in gold-embroidered finery (and situated on a dais, we Malays like to call them 'royalty for a day', playing the illusion of being king and queen in a country where the royal bloodline has been evicted from their home and told that the ruins of their palace will be converted into a museum).

I think about what Sang Nila Utama really did when he threw his crown into the sea to calm the raging storm; whether the gales spoke to his inner ear: 'if you want to live on the island you must surrender all memory of having once been a prince'. At the Sentosa Merlion there are signs that say that Sang Nila himself saw the Merlion rising from the waters, a fact that the Sejarah Melayu, the Malay Annals, failed to mention. Evidently there is someone called 'Sang Nila' somewhere in the executive committee of the Singapore Tourist Promotion Board.

At the foot of the Raffles statue in Boat Quay there is an inscription that says the man's genius transformed a 'sleepy fishing village' into the modern metropolis it is today, this at the foot of a man who recorded in his journals how he saw the tombs of the Malay kings, and inscriptions on a fortress wall, when he first landed: evidence of an empire, of civilisation.

In an interview a doyenne of Singapore theatre laments that all Singaporeans are 'cultural orphans', including the Malays, because they migrated from Malaysia and Indonesia, and that makes them immigrants too, no matter that one can take a sampan from Johor to Singapore.

I walk through a park in Tampines and see Chinese boys playing basketball at the court and Malay boys playing soccer on the field; I am comforted that my complete uselessness at ball games has prevented me from taking either side, has by default made me a conscientious objector to such disturbing polarities. In the army a sergeant major never called be by my name; I was called 'Melayu', which I suppose was better than 'Ah-Neh', used to address the Indians in the platoon. I remember a fellow Malay platoon mate who told me to give it my all when I was fasting, this was to prevent anyone from saying that we could use religion as an excuse for our weakness. He was eventually posted to the infantry (not logistics or engineers, much less the Navy or Airforce) and I used to imagine him burning up his pre-fasting morning meal to be the first to charge up the hill, yelling the pain of hunger and the pain of being different. The Malay staff sergeant in Officer Cadet School gave me a lot of shit just
to overcompensate, to show everyone that he was not into any form of racial favouritism. I became a victim of the sidelong glances he made as he watched me doing mypushups, those eyes constantly seeking approval from the eyes of the majority.

I see a schoolgirl from a madrasah wearing a tudung on the MRT and she is filling in the pictures in her colouring book. There are many choices among her colour pencils which she can use for skin, but she will use orange, and colour lightly, not brown or black. I have seen her schoolmates before, eyeing branded scoolbags at pasar malams, wearing branded sports shoes, like every other kid. I want to go up to her and hug her, and tell her how her tudung is not just a symbol of modesty, but a symbol of inscrutability. That layer of cloth makes her suspicious to others, it can be used to smuggle in a grenade or an agenda, so she will never get a frontline desk job, she will be expected to hang around with other tudung-wearing women in the university. I think about the fathers who sent their daughters to schools in tudung and reflect on how the media has framed them as shit-stirrers rather than citizens who practised their right to civil disobedience, the same way Gandhi fasted, or Rosa Parks refused to sit at her negroes-only seat on the segregated bus. If I can tell the girl one thing, it is 'integration is not assimilation', or 'tolerance is a failure in understanding' even though it is something she will take time to understand.

I think also of the men who filmed different locations in Singapore with the heinous intent of planting bombs. Did they not consider the various innocent Singaporean lives that could have been claimed by what they were about to do? And I wonder if they had already chosen another country to live in; a country in which they do not have to face a creeping sense of alienation, of redundancy. And I am not talking about an Islamic country, not Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, but an afterlife paradise, where everyone is equal in the eyes of God, where wearing a sarong or having a beard does not immediately make you a proto-terrorist. Or perhaps a country that exists in their minds, nurtured by a growing sense of insularity and isolation, where they walk the streets and everyone else is just a ghost, in whose dead eyes they cannot find any light of empathy or understanding.

Once someone told me: 'But the government is bending over backwards to accommodate you Malays.' I smiled and wanted to ask him if it wasn't the other way round, that the Malays are made to bend forward to be fucked senseless. Another time a journalist asked if the statistical evidence of 'progress' shows that Malays are being given the same opportunities as everyone else. I told her that statistics don't do shit for me, as someone who has to live day by day as a Malay person in this country. I told her one Malay Air Force pilot poster boy, and a few bar charts and graphs, don't make me feel more at home. The only thing they do is to convince non-Malays that the country they live in is truly multiracial, that there are no tensions beneath the veneer of newsprint and newscasts and the rosy speeches of Malay MP's.

I have always believed in multi-racialism. I can say with utmost confidence that I have more friends who are non-Malay than those who are. And I mean real friends, who I confide in, who I've shared many things with, who I do love dearly. And yet, of late, I have the feeling that alot of the things I'm saying, a lot of this talk about alienation and marginalisation, only feeds subconsciously into their sense of how fortunate they are to be born into the status quo. I have written a poem before where I say, 'But more than that we prayed for ourselves,/treading the rosary of our blessings,/for what is pity without thanks for/the opportunity for such pity?' And sometimes I feel as if the more my voice is raised on the fast-eclipsing fate of the minority, the more it feeds into the majority's smugness and arrogance about their assured place in the sun. And this only makes me feel more powerless than if I had kept silent.

So I say now, forgive me if you think my desire to work with my own people marks me out as a racist. Forgive me if you think that my preferences are actually prejudices. Forgive me for retreating into something one can so easily call 'cultural chauvinism'. And I will forgive you for thinking that this person writing this isn't the Alfian that you know, that he has always been moderate and liberal, and I will forgive you if you look at me differently the next time I meet you. For some time already I have felt that as a Malay writer writing in English I have had to carry the burden of articulating so many unvoiced concerns. And the responsibilities associated with this are frightening. I just think it is time I pass on whatever skills I have to other Malay people, so we may tell our stories to those who want to hear them, even though they are stories of loss and loneliness and accidents of birth.

hmmz i donno wat to say lar huhr.. this issue.. has been going on far too long.. but this alfian saat rulez.. shall go find out more about his works... anyways working later.. so shall sleep now.. goodnytez...

argh feeling so... guilty.. donno why.. but it all seems different now... maybe it was a mistake... maybe it was something i said or did... haiz... i suck..

weeeee pop!!!

she makes me feel like its raining outside...

things i dun like about myself:

1.my frequent worrying about small matters: im so sick of it but its something dat is already part of me and i cant really shake it off that easily. I would say something to someone den like imemdiately regret wat i said, den i would like worry about my actions for the next few days. even though that someone clearly feel that no harm has been done.

2.insecurity?: ive wrote this already on an earlier entry.its just the general feeling that the whole is laughing at me. And always wondering wat people are talking about behind my backs.

3. low confidence levels: yes its so fucking true. i have absolutely no confidence in wat i do. Be it studies or band or work. Lets just say personally that im not much of a risk taker. always taking the easy way out. just lying down and die even before the battle has begun. always afraid of getting hurt and shit. argh!!

argh theres more.. but the more i type about it. the more depress i get. anyways.. read a lot of blogs lately and i just realise my blog's english is atrocious. really honestly atrocious. i wonder how the heck did i get b3 for my english but on second thought i guess maybe composition has never been my strong point. hurhur always depended on my comprehension skills. o well. would have uploaded the pics. but battery on the camera ran out, (argh!)new batts dat i bought yesterday. Feeeel so madness lar.. haish..

getting a haircut 2morrow. its a must after my ustaz told me to cut it. sheeesh i wanted to keep it long. but i guess i'm gonna do something radical with it. thinking of getting meself a mohawk. not a full one. something like the 'rushed' guitarist. u know.. urmz donno how to explain it but its nice. haha i guess probably my mum will freak and shave me bald if i ever go home with a mohawk. so donno haha see how.

u know wat? i love my blog. i mean its kinda become sort of my best friend. never failing when i needed it the most. haha

love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly ...

heh... visual basics sucks.. and thats all ive got to say abut dat.. nieways.. i wanna get this..



i want!!! i want!!! hahaha o well need money!! really need money... so amny things dat i wanna get but theres not enough money to spent... dammitz. Holiday is next week. and it wont be much of a hoilday for me cause i'll be working for the whole week except on wednesday and friday. so any of you who have nothing to do on those days.. please feel free to ask me out.... PLZ!!! i'm BEGGING YOU!! whhawhawh

hurhur... project sunset became project nowhere.. hurhur didnt really expect liza to be dat quiet a person. or was i the one who was quiet? Maybe i bored her too much with my incessant jabbering haha weee. anyways walked around aimlessly from bugis to lavender and at the same time taking pics of donno wat lar. she asked me to give suggestions so i pointed to whatever dat is close to my eyes... haha merepekz ar mi.... haha den went back to tamp to meet ikay. had dinner... den we went seperate ways. i met up with the guys at sunplaza, ik went bk and lizard went home. hurhur anyways.... took some pics of pp at sunplaza. I try to upload 2morrow when i have the time. good nights.

in class right now.. preparing for the networking online test... which sucks.. i know nothing about networking... why did i ever take info technology?? all i wanted was the media side of it. Never expected all this shitty modules. Den after Networking i have my os test whihc thank god is an open book one. So maybe just maybe i can pass both. haha fat chance. Nieways. Meeting liza later today. Gonna take pics of the sunset or sumthing for her portfolio. i donno wats my association with dat but heck nvm lar eh. haha. thank you for coming round to me.. to see my plain sunset....

i remembered last year me and ikay were talking bout march12 and dewi's photgraphy. both of us wanted to take up photography. But den he bought a camera. I didnt. so the rest is well. history. boohoo

skafest is on sunday. a part of me wants to go but argh the tots of seeing all those yps in their culture unifom makes me sick. besides the fact that its all ska and i'm not into ska dat much. boohoo so yeah im working anyways. planning to see a movie next week... anybody wanna watch wit me??

am home right now with nothing to do. skool ended super quick today and i am contemplating whether to go out or not. need to get that jacket soon. i almost froze to death on the bus to skool earlier today. hurhur so niehows i have a test tomorrow and i really wanna pass it cause ive not passed a single test this whole semester. Means i'm in deep shit. really deep shit.

hurhur. anyways picked up my guitar and wrote a new song . the title is pending but im quite please with the melody. the lyrics are straightforward and not artsy or poetic. i dun have the necessary vocabulary and imagination to write all those stuff. but all in all im hoping it would turn out well.

read my testi's on friendster. some of them are pretty funny in my own weird way. i guess nobody really knows me dat well. hurhur and dats perfectly fine with me. and yey borrowed adi's dgcam. am taking pics of things in my room but problem is the card can only store 20 pics i tink. so madness.!!! anyways tanks adi! u rock..

u know wat? mustafa's latest entry almost brought me to tears. kinda reminded me of when my own grandfather died. haiz. it didnt really hit me dat he was gone till a few days later. den i started crying myself to sleep for a few weeks. Wish i had been there in his last moments. I miss him.

your pictures on the wall,
reminds me of the days dat we shared,
of the life that we could have had,
and underneathe this darkened sky,
as my whole passes by
i still tink your still by my side


cause heaven seems so far away
and i have to wait for the end of my days
the most important days of my life
days filled with crimson eyes


i miss you, i need you

this song.... though isnt the best.. was written for my grandpa and my little brother whom i never got to know. Thats why this song has always been so special to me. underedge- miss you

i'll be holding on to you dear, like pictures kept in lockets...

hurhur argh my whole class has been commenting about how dark ive become. like as if its such a big fucking deal.

urh hotness.madness. i need some more pins for my bag. Maybe going to wakemeup with adi 2morrow. maybe. just maybe. And yeyness.. my mother has given me permission to get myself a dgcam. Problem is ive only got about 300 to spend. so if i get one now. its gonna be so sucky. so i guess i shall wait till may or april so i can get a really really good one. rainy days have arrived. JUST IN TIME. secretly hoping it will rain out durin the march holidays cause im working like the whole week. but im pretty sure most of you wont be happy with my request. heh. but nvm. im flexible..

its sad to say that we shall say goodbye to underedge soon. Although i would miss it. I think it would not have come at a better time den now. so goodbye. yeah. thx for the memories...

din!! i'm happy for you!!! congrats man...

whoah i'm like so tanned now. so much so dat my mum cant even see my face in the dark. Argh fuck dat place called escape man.. ARGHHH. But speaking of escape. hurhur ive got a new friend at work. who?
*drum roll*
ALLEN!! haha madness sia that guy. Came to interview then straight away started working. I had to go for3 interviews to get that job. Motherfucker. But im glad hes working there now. Have a new friend. I guess if u open up to people there.. they are actually quite friendly and fun people. Till today i have always been a quiet guy at work. Rarely talking, unless im with dhai phsycho. But today i let myself go man .. and im glad i did. nieways

saturday was the worst day i had at work. officially worst day. i had to to the bumper boat station on my own for an hour.. cause some 'kemas' idiot didnt come to work. And Dear Selsila was bz 'entertaining' the guest to help me out. SO yeah anyways zaid came later.. so everything went fine till he went off... and selsila came by.. den everything went wrong. We could run only 4 boats cause the other 4 were spoilt. Den while shifting boats i got myself stranded in the middle of the pool cause the buttons were not fuunctioning properly. So thx to the guests who pushed me back to shore. hurhur. So embarassing man!!.

den i almost electrocuted myself after i touched an exposed wire on the boat. luckily i only got burnt. but heck it was painful untill mad. got two black spots on my palm man now. haiz. Urh anyways selsila proved to be a very very nice person to work with.. Shes like this bubbly bubbly person. Always talking. To the guests and oso to me. heh. And did i mention she is very very pretty? hurhur unfortunately i irritated her too much so i guess my chance is gone. Haha

immediately after work.. went to ana hotel. Had difficulty getting there. I asked for directions.. and the kids at borders say.. "huh what? ANA hotel close already lar.." takleh harap

so reached there and met din, alif, zack and allen. And came in just in time for kate of kale's set. They were great. The crowd was great. In fact this is one of the best crowd along with the epilogue. since there was no culture kids.. there were no fights.. which was great. Den if i could remember properly.. came sky in euphoria... I joined the moshpit for the first time in my life. Never had the balls to do it in a normal ska gig where all the skins and punks were but somehow i felt safer in the company of 'normal' people. hurhur so they were awesome. Screams here!! there!! everywhere!!! hurhru

pug jelly was next. I tink? i tot i was seeing gorbachev though cause mat cooper wasnt there. but all in all

I WANT MASASHI's HAIR!!!!

hurhurhur but i made a point to stand right in front during msc. They were great. Wish i could hear the vox more. But awesome lar their showmanship. especially shAin.. doing the mars volta thingy. haha hilarious. den of kos m12 came up or was it 59 mins? not sure who came first. but 59 mins were okie. They had a really awesome drummer and tight. very tight indeed. But the sole purpose i went was to catch m12. so again. I cannot hear dewi's vocals. even though i was standign right in front of her. o well maybe im deaf or sumthing but all in all m12 was great. learned a lot from them. I'm just hoping that we can be the next m12. hurhur fat chance hor??

took a cab home with izzad after dat. Crazy fella. hurhur

argh not tinking straight now. heck ive not been thinking straight this whole week. felt as though people around me have changed too much. Its like they are faceless to me now and i cant really accept that fact. Hur in times like this. I immerse myself in music. But even dat has not become fun anymore. pp's session was okay ar. wasnt really in the mood so sorry yea guys if i screwed up or gave a fucked up face to any of you. just so distracted ar.distracted by what. not sure. Shall find out... but one things for sure i am really really overwhelmed by the awesome ness of the marshal amp overdrive. i was in tone heaven man. really impressive. shall ask for a footswtich next time i jam there.

this week really sucked but i'm really happy it all ended kinda nicely with first chapter's jamming. Really tweet,khus, wan and fir u guys really cheered me up with the fun filled jamming. Even though we really sucked. It was a nice feeling to play with laughter going on..love you guys to bits .played dammit and carousel hurhur wwatever made us play that i donno. hahah. dzafir, pluggy and sofyn were there to watch us. heh sofyn took some pics. cant wait for them to get uploaded. must check on wan's blog. after finishing jamm we saw msc and junaidi fishguy there. hah jun.. wat a funny guy. it was only earlier this morning we were talking cock on msn so it was kinda funny to meet him just now a few hours later. so said our goodbyes and the EMo crew went off to slack. and me and fir went home.

tommorow im working... shall sleep now..

blogging again... donno why im still online at this time... well i guess everything happens for a reason hur... hehe

anyways.. life on the rails.. hurhur why do i sit on the railings at tamp? to watch girls u may say? nooooo. heck i sit there to observe all the plastic people going on with their everyday lifes. The mats who sit on the rails opposite us. The minahs who walk pass with cigarettes in hand and butts going left right left right. This is of kos an everyday sight. Then there are the normal kids like you and me. who are disgusted by this mats who ruin the malay reputation. hurhur. Den once in a while u have the culture people. Though this is very rare... theyre just like the mats ar. People like you and me are either disgusted by them or are frankly impressed by thier bravery to dress like dat in public. Notwithstanding that the interchange is where public transport is. so i dunt understand their purpose in hanging around there. Arent they anti government or sumthing. so dat leaves us with just the remainder of society. hurhur fuck them!

haiz just got back from slacking... original plan was to meet ikay to pass the metal zone and den go to my grandmother house. But lately every plan dat i make always seems to fail. hurhur. so nieways met din and dan at interchange. Sat at railings for a while. donno why but i have suddenly grown a distaste for that place and sitting there in general. Donno why. hurhurhur nieways dan left after dat. so me and din went to kfc in the intention of trying out the scrooms or wateva...so while din ordered. I watched as the counter kid placed a 'super sized' burger on his tray. needless to say terus i tak jadik buy. hurhur so after din finished we went to macdonalds where i felt offered a much more better meal. SO sat down talked crap and soon allen came. den the conversations started getting more serius urh... i told them about how i felt about some stuff and they gave me some advice. den i found out they shared the same thoughts as me. hurhur . which kinda surprised me for a while. o well dats why i guess we are so close. heh

so anyhow me and allen walked to simei. i decided i didnt wanna go home straight so i sort of like accompanied him home. I so needed someone to talk to. So i talked. He talked. And yeah simei and tampines seems so short a distance when your deep in conversation. Allen yeah is such a good and loyal friend. When you need a shoulder to cry on he is indeed a nice person to talk to. I trust him the most among the kids. hurhur. We tink alike and heck we even look alike to some people. so yeah thx allen. love yea lots. k k i shall stop being gayish. Shall continue into my personal blog now. o well jamming with pp 2morrow yeyness!!

heheh im like literally dancing all day long to this song... its on repeat mode on my discman and hi fi. hurhur in the bathroom i lance lance. On the way to skool oso i lance lance. I kept looking around to see if anybody noticed.Haha could have been the luffing stock of the skool hurhur. Den at home now Im dancing oso!! haha amazing wat music dan do to your emotions... hehe

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore



I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore


I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

hurhurhurhur i need braces.. this rabbit teeth are way too embarassing...

Frustrations are getting the better of me. typed and retyped this entry for the 3rd time. all i wanna say is i kinda feel something is very wrong with one of my bands. shall not reveal which one though.. shall go now bye..

thankx yanee for this awesome layout... u rock!! anyways my parents are wtaching cartooons outside.. yes cartoons... in the form of those old disney movies like alladin, beauty and the beast, etc etc. So yeah pretty surprised. i remembered when i was in primary school and i had this big sketchbook. After viewin those cartoons on the old L-D player. i would do some sketches of the cartoons. I remembered being very good at it. Donno where my sketchbook went. but anyways i cant draw for shit nowadays...... am very sad.

o well.. chatting with chun fu now. He was like the closest chinese friend dat i had in sec school so yea i miss those memories in class with him. he was a very very nice. person. always smiling. never ever saw him get angry. haiz. hruhurhurhur. i miss 4e3!!


decided to start a personal blog. Its kinda frustrating to not be able to write about wat i feel... wat i really really feel. Seeing dat if i do write those type of entries here. I would have lesser friends. so anyways good night...


hurhurhur guess which is me??

new layout liao

this love is taking its toll on me... she said goodbye... too many times before....

hurhurhur good morning kids... at class right now and i'm like yawning and yawning untill mad man. slept super early last night and intead of making me fresh it successfully made me more sleepy..... so anyhows.. gonna cabut class again today.. wanna go home and sleep again.... so yeah see yea

sheeesh i tink i ate too much.. i wanna puke..

i walked home from school today. i donno why? just been so long since ive done it so i tot why not?. This long walks usually give me like a sense of serenity. or sumthing like dat i donno. 59 mins accompanied me on my walk. they are pretty good lar actually but i feel as though their vox is not singing with his real voice. sounds kinda exxagerated. reminds me of mine. hmmmz o well.. i'm tired shall sleep..

Lene marlin rocks!!