argh feeling so... guilty.. donno why.. but it all seems different now... maybe it was a mistake... maybe it was something i said or did... haiz... i suck..

weeeee pop!!!

she makes me feel like its raining outside...

things i dun like about myself:

1.my frequent worrying about small matters: im so sick of it but its something dat is already part of me and i cant really shake it off that easily. I would say something to someone den like imemdiately regret wat i said, den i would like worry about my actions for the next few days. even though that someone clearly feel that no harm has been done.

2.insecurity?: ive wrote this already on an earlier entry.its just the general feeling that the whole is laughing at me. And always wondering wat people are talking about behind my backs.

3. low confidence levels: yes its so fucking true. i have absolutely no confidence in wat i do. Be it studies or band or work. Lets just say personally that im not much of a risk taker. always taking the easy way out. just lying down and die even before the battle has begun. always afraid of getting hurt and shit. argh!!

argh theres more.. but the more i type about it. the more depress i get. anyways.. read a lot of blogs lately and i just realise my blog's english is atrocious. really honestly atrocious. i wonder how the heck did i get b3 for my english but on second thought i guess maybe composition has never been my strong point. hurhur always depended on my comprehension skills. o well. would have uploaded the pics. but battery on the camera ran out, (argh!)new batts dat i bought yesterday. Feeeel so madness lar.. haish..

getting a haircut 2morrow. its a must after my ustaz told me to cut it. sheeesh i wanted to keep it long. but i guess i'm gonna do something radical with it. thinking of getting meself a mohawk. not a full one. something like the 'rushed' guitarist. u know.. urmz donno how to explain it but its nice. haha i guess probably my mum will freak and shave me bald if i ever go home with a mohawk. so donno haha see how.

u know wat? i love my blog. i mean its kinda become sort of my best friend. never failing when i needed it the most. haha

love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly ...

heh... visual basics sucks.. and thats all ive got to say abut dat.. nieways.. i wanna get this..



i want!!! i want!!! hahaha o well need money!! really need money... so amny things dat i wanna get but theres not enough money to spent... dammitz. Holiday is next week. and it wont be much of a hoilday for me cause i'll be working for the whole week except on wednesday and friday. so any of you who have nothing to do on those days.. please feel free to ask me out.... PLZ!!! i'm BEGGING YOU!! whhawhawh

hurhur... project sunset became project nowhere.. hurhur didnt really expect liza to be dat quiet a person. or was i the one who was quiet? Maybe i bored her too much with my incessant jabbering haha weee. anyways walked around aimlessly from bugis to lavender and at the same time taking pics of donno wat lar. she asked me to give suggestions so i pointed to whatever dat is close to my eyes... haha merepekz ar mi.... haha den went back to tamp to meet ikay. had dinner... den we went seperate ways. i met up with the guys at sunplaza, ik went bk and lizard went home. hurhur anyways.... took some pics of pp at sunplaza. I try to upload 2morrow when i have the time. good nights.

in class right now.. preparing for the networking online test... which sucks.. i know nothing about networking... why did i ever take info technology?? all i wanted was the media side of it. Never expected all this shitty modules. Den after Networking i have my os test whihc thank god is an open book one. So maybe just maybe i can pass both. haha fat chance. Nieways. Meeting liza later today. Gonna take pics of the sunset or sumthing for her portfolio. i donno wats my association with dat but heck nvm lar eh. haha. thank you for coming round to me.. to see my plain sunset....

i remembered last year me and ikay were talking bout march12 and dewi's photgraphy. both of us wanted to take up photography. But den he bought a camera. I didnt. so the rest is well. history. boohoo

skafest is on sunday. a part of me wants to go but argh the tots of seeing all those yps in their culture unifom makes me sick. besides the fact that its all ska and i'm not into ska dat much. boohoo so yeah im working anyways. planning to see a movie next week... anybody wanna watch wit me??

am home right now with nothing to do. skool ended super quick today and i am contemplating whether to go out or not. need to get that jacket soon. i almost froze to death on the bus to skool earlier today. hurhur so niehows i have a test tomorrow and i really wanna pass it cause ive not passed a single test this whole semester. Means i'm in deep shit. really deep shit.

hurhur. anyways picked up my guitar and wrote a new song . the title is pending but im quite please with the melody. the lyrics are straightforward and not artsy or poetic. i dun have the necessary vocabulary and imagination to write all those stuff. but all in all im hoping it would turn out well.

read my testi's on friendster. some of them are pretty funny in my own weird way. i guess nobody really knows me dat well. hurhur and dats perfectly fine with me. and yey borrowed adi's dgcam. am taking pics of things in my room but problem is the card can only store 20 pics i tink. so madness.!!! anyways tanks adi! u rock..

u know wat? mustafa's latest entry almost brought me to tears. kinda reminded me of when my own grandfather died. haiz. it didnt really hit me dat he was gone till a few days later. den i started crying myself to sleep for a few weeks. Wish i had been there in his last moments. I miss him.

your pictures on the wall,
reminds me of the days dat we shared,
of the life that we could have had,
and underneathe this darkened sky,
as my whole passes by
i still tink your still by my side


cause heaven seems so far away
and i have to wait for the end of my days
the most important days of my life
days filled with crimson eyes


i miss you, i need you

this song.... though isnt the best.. was written for my grandpa and my little brother whom i never got to know. Thats why this song has always been so special to me. underedge- miss you

i'll be holding on to you dear, like pictures kept in lockets...

hurhur argh my whole class has been commenting about how dark ive become. like as if its such a big fucking deal.

urh hotness.madness. i need some more pins for my bag. Maybe going to wakemeup with adi 2morrow. maybe. just maybe. And yeyness.. my mother has given me permission to get myself a dgcam. Problem is ive only got about 300 to spend. so if i get one now. its gonna be so sucky. so i guess i shall wait till may or april so i can get a really really good one. rainy days have arrived. JUST IN TIME. secretly hoping it will rain out durin the march holidays cause im working like the whole week. but im pretty sure most of you wont be happy with my request. heh. but nvm. im flexible..

its sad to say that we shall say goodbye to underedge soon. Although i would miss it. I think it would not have come at a better time den now. so goodbye. yeah. thx for the memories...

din!! i'm happy for you!!! congrats man...

whoah i'm like so tanned now. so much so dat my mum cant even see my face in the dark. Argh fuck dat place called escape man.. ARGHHH. But speaking of escape. hurhur ive got a new friend at work. who?
*drum roll*
ALLEN!! haha madness sia that guy. Came to interview then straight away started working. I had to go for3 interviews to get that job. Motherfucker. But im glad hes working there now. Have a new friend. I guess if u open up to people there.. they are actually quite friendly and fun people. Till today i have always been a quiet guy at work. Rarely talking, unless im with dhai phsycho. But today i let myself go man .. and im glad i did. nieways

saturday was the worst day i had at work. officially worst day. i had to to the bumper boat station on my own for an hour.. cause some 'kemas' idiot didnt come to work. And Dear Selsila was bz 'entertaining' the guest to help me out. SO yeah anyways zaid came later.. so everything went fine till he went off... and selsila came by.. den everything went wrong. We could run only 4 boats cause the other 4 were spoilt. Den while shifting boats i got myself stranded in the middle of the pool cause the buttons were not fuunctioning properly. So thx to the guests who pushed me back to shore. hurhur. So embarassing man!!.

den i almost electrocuted myself after i touched an exposed wire on the boat. luckily i only got burnt. but heck it was painful untill mad. got two black spots on my palm man now. haiz. Urh anyways selsila proved to be a very very nice person to work with.. Shes like this bubbly bubbly person. Always talking. To the guests and oso to me. heh. And did i mention she is very very pretty? hurhur unfortunately i irritated her too much so i guess my chance is gone. Haha

immediately after work.. went to ana hotel. Had difficulty getting there. I asked for directions.. and the kids at borders say.. "huh what? ANA hotel close already lar.." takleh harap

so reached there and met din, alif, zack and allen. And came in just in time for kate of kale's set. They were great. The crowd was great. In fact this is one of the best crowd along with the epilogue. since there was no culture kids.. there were no fights.. which was great. Den if i could remember properly.. came sky in euphoria... I joined the moshpit for the first time in my life. Never had the balls to do it in a normal ska gig where all the skins and punks were but somehow i felt safer in the company of 'normal' people. hurhur so they were awesome. Screams here!! there!! everywhere!!! hurhru

pug jelly was next. I tink? i tot i was seeing gorbachev though cause mat cooper wasnt there. but all in all

I WANT MASASHI's HAIR!!!!

hurhurhur but i made a point to stand right in front during msc. They were great. Wish i could hear the vox more. But awesome lar their showmanship. especially shAin.. doing the mars volta thingy. haha hilarious. den of kos m12 came up or was it 59 mins? not sure who came first. but 59 mins were okie. They had a really awesome drummer and tight. very tight indeed. But the sole purpose i went was to catch m12. so again. I cannot hear dewi's vocals. even though i was standign right in front of her. o well maybe im deaf or sumthing but all in all m12 was great. learned a lot from them. I'm just hoping that we can be the next m12. hurhur fat chance hor??

took a cab home with izzad after dat. Crazy fella. hurhur

argh not tinking straight now. heck ive not been thinking straight this whole week. felt as though people around me have changed too much. Its like they are faceless to me now and i cant really accept that fact. Hur in times like this. I immerse myself in music. But even dat has not become fun anymore. pp's session was okay ar. wasnt really in the mood so sorry yea guys if i screwed up or gave a fucked up face to any of you. just so distracted ar.distracted by what. not sure. Shall find out... but one things for sure i am really really overwhelmed by the awesome ness of the marshal amp overdrive. i was in tone heaven man. really impressive. shall ask for a footswtich next time i jam there.

this week really sucked but i'm really happy it all ended kinda nicely with first chapter's jamming. Really tweet,khus, wan and fir u guys really cheered me up with the fun filled jamming. Even though we really sucked. It was a nice feeling to play with laughter going on..love you guys to bits .played dammit and carousel hurhur wwatever made us play that i donno. hahah. dzafir, pluggy and sofyn were there to watch us. heh sofyn took some pics. cant wait for them to get uploaded. must check on wan's blog. after finishing jamm we saw msc and junaidi fishguy there. hah jun.. wat a funny guy. it was only earlier this morning we were talking cock on msn so it was kinda funny to meet him just now a few hours later. so said our goodbyes and the EMo crew went off to slack. and me and fir went home.

tommorow im working... shall sleep now..

blogging again... donno why im still online at this time... well i guess everything happens for a reason hur... hehe

anyways.. life on the rails.. hurhur why do i sit on the railings at tamp? to watch girls u may say? nooooo. heck i sit there to observe all the plastic people going on with their everyday lifes. The mats who sit on the rails opposite us. The minahs who walk pass with cigarettes in hand and butts going left right left right. This is of kos an everyday sight. Then there are the normal kids like you and me. who are disgusted by this mats who ruin the malay reputation. hurhur. Den once in a while u have the culture people. Though this is very rare... theyre just like the mats ar. People like you and me are either disgusted by them or are frankly impressed by thier bravery to dress like dat in public. Notwithstanding that the interchange is where public transport is. so i dunt understand their purpose in hanging around there. Arent they anti government or sumthing. so dat leaves us with just the remainder of society. hurhur fuck them!

haiz just got back from slacking... original plan was to meet ikay to pass the metal zone and den go to my grandmother house. But lately every plan dat i make always seems to fail. hurhur. so nieways met din and dan at interchange. Sat at railings for a while. donno why but i have suddenly grown a distaste for that place and sitting there in general. Donno why. hurhurhur nieways dan left after dat. so me and din went to kfc in the intention of trying out the scrooms or wateva...so while din ordered. I watched as the counter kid placed a 'super sized' burger on his tray. needless to say terus i tak jadik buy. hurhur so after din finished we went to macdonalds where i felt offered a much more better meal. SO sat down talked crap and soon allen came. den the conversations started getting more serius urh... i told them about how i felt about some stuff and they gave me some advice. den i found out they shared the same thoughts as me. hurhur . which kinda surprised me for a while. o well dats why i guess we are so close. heh

so anyhow me and allen walked to simei. i decided i didnt wanna go home straight so i sort of like accompanied him home. I so needed someone to talk to. So i talked. He talked. And yeah simei and tampines seems so short a distance when your deep in conversation. Allen yeah is such a good and loyal friend. When you need a shoulder to cry on he is indeed a nice person to talk to. I trust him the most among the kids. hurhur. We tink alike and heck we even look alike to some people. so yeah thx allen. love yea lots. k k i shall stop being gayish. Shall continue into my personal blog now. o well jamming with pp 2morrow yeyness!!

heheh im like literally dancing all day long to this song... its on repeat mode on my discman and hi fi. hurhur in the bathroom i lance lance. On the way to skool oso i lance lance. I kept looking around to see if anybody noticed.Haha could have been the luffing stock of the skool hurhur. Den at home now Im dancing oso!! haha amazing wat music dan do to your emotions... hehe

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore



I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore


I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

hurhurhurhur i need braces.. this rabbit teeth are way too embarassing...

Frustrations are getting the better of me. typed and retyped this entry for the 3rd time. all i wanna say is i kinda feel something is very wrong with one of my bands. shall not reveal which one though.. shall go now bye..

thankx yanee for this awesome layout... u rock!! anyways my parents are wtaching cartooons outside.. yes cartoons... in the form of those old disney movies like alladin, beauty and the beast, etc etc. So yeah pretty surprised. i remembered when i was in primary school and i had this big sketchbook. After viewin those cartoons on the old L-D player. i would do some sketches of the cartoons. I remembered being very good at it. Donno where my sketchbook went. but anyways i cant draw for shit nowadays...... am very sad.

o well.. chatting with chun fu now. He was like the closest chinese friend dat i had in sec school so yea i miss those memories in class with him. he was a very very nice. person. always smiling. never ever saw him get angry. haiz. hruhurhurhur. i miss 4e3!!


decided to start a personal blog. Its kinda frustrating to not be able to write about wat i feel... wat i really really feel. Seeing dat if i do write those type of entries here. I would have lesser friends. so anyways good night...


hurhurhur guess which is me??

new layout liao

this love is taking its toll on me... she said goodbye... too many times before....

hurhurhur good morning kids... at class right now and i'm like yawning and yawning untill mad man. slept super early last night and intead of making me fresh it successfully made me more sleepy..... so anyhows.. gonna cabut class again today.. wanna go home and sleep again.... so yeah see yea