all my pins are sold!!! except 59 mins, mysquaredcircle and my plain sunset pins. haha weee 10 bucks worth of pins. and today was fun.. heh.

the pianist is a briliant show. well all war movies are brilliant to me.

ever since my father ditched hbo and went with star movies ive spent countless hours outside watching movies. something dat ive not done for quite awhile. forgetful person dat i am. ive already forgotten wat movies i had watched so yeah short term memory loss. heh

going skool in an hrs time. and im off to prata land.

music of choice: the rocking horse winner - atmoshpere

i cant wait for tomorrow. fridays have always been enjoyable for me. whether its jamming or just hanging out. last week caught a movie. this week not sure of wat i wanna do. maybe shoot some balls with mus. or shahrul. o well.

i spend 2 bucks in school today. its quite and achievement considering the amount i used to spend before. always splurging on food and drinks. i mean my daily allowance is 5 bucks (and some good days 6 or 7)but then all of it would be gone by the time i reach home.blame it on the packets of milo, vitasoy, french fries etc etc. so today was exceptional. heh

the rocking horse winner rocks.

"we looked outside the other day.
at thirty-thousand feet,
we swayed from our three seats 'cause soon we'll be buzzing into the fire.
i could feel us flying with every single note.
the memories of a precious time.
to be somewhere, in a distant atmosphere,
but i just can't control the tears. one more time.
we walked out onto your front lawn.
set three legs aside.
looked into the glass and caught the light shining into my eyes.
i could feel me flying so high above the sky.
one more time we'll meet i know we will.
we'll meet someday somewhere up high, in the hills.
time to exit now.
you didn't know me and i didn't know you well."

ok sorry but... hurhur i just wanna say dat the thursday and taking back sunday pins are pretty beat up. lots of scratches. so yeah. both buttons go for 50 cents. heh.

*updated*: thrice button has just been added to the collection. so yeah heh.

and please first come first serve. heh

pins dat are left: cursive,the used, takingbacksunday, coheed and cambria, thursday, 59 mins, cesspit.

am skool now. overloaded with projects and shit. cant wait for this term to be over. dah abg abg year 2. hahah o well. so long.

pins sold:
funeral for a friend, brand new, story of the year, my chemical romance and finch.

i really need to sell my incubus and losprophet cds... i really need money. seriusly am broke right now. not even the atm can save me . haish. arghhhhhh payday in 2 weeks time. argh donno if im gonna be able to survive till dat day. grrrr

anyways started work on my new layout. taking things slowly. graphic by graphic. word by word. and news just in.

DENALI HAS DISBANDED!!! OOHH GOD WHY???????????? first plain sunset, den march12 den denali?. haish. maura ooo maura.

i am so dead. i am so broke. i am so screwed. haish. take this blade to my wrist and end wat makes u ugly.

itchy finger syndrome.

yeyness

if u guys want my new no. msg me at msn k. got the new 8******* series which is really cool.

hmmmz i want new shoes. new chuck taylors to be exact. white school shoes type of chuck taylors to be fully exact. gonna get it soon. the reality of me turning 18 soon is too much for me man. im getting so fucking old. i mean when i was in primary school, yeha of kos i wanted to become older but now i want my growth to end. i wanna stay this way forever!!!!

forever and ever, lets make this last forever.. forever and ever lets make this last forever...

im blogging again... donno why?? for fun maybe?? hahaha i feel so madness . blame it on dat picture. hahaha hais.

i tink im gonna go to the library and borrow books on how to start/sustain conversations. especially with members of the opposite sex. sheesh i suffer from a very bad speech defect. words get bumbled so much so dat one thing becomes another. i suffer at work because of this. the guests dun understand wat im talking about. hmmz o well. communication problems. and yeah my absolute distaste in phone conversations. i hate talking on the phone. even if just calling somebody up to ask for something like "when are we meeting or sumthing." heh dun ask me why. its just me.o well. im talking nonsense again. plz plz do diss me!!! tomdelonge or pop love or whoever.

ok aku dah giler .. lebih baik tido.

i just saw a really nice deviation of someone and its making me piss in my pants. blabber nonsense alone in the dark. thinking of things dat im not suppose to be thinking. and im sweating again. argh. things gorgeous/beautiful/sexy/ hot.. girls can make u do... geeez i feel like im 16 again...

i stole this somewhere. though it doesnt apply to me. i just tot this was pretty sweet.

50 Romantic things to do 4 your Boy/Girl Friend



1. Watch the sunset together.

2. Whisper to each other.

3. Cook for each other.

4. Walk in the rain.

5. Hold hands

6. Buy gifts for each other.

7. Roses.

8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.

9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.

10. Write poetry for each other.

11. Hugs are the universal medicine.

12. Say only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.

13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.

14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie!

15. Spend every second possible together.

16. Look into each other's eyes.

17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.

18. When in public, only flirt with each other.

19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.

20. Buy her a ring.

21. Sing to each other.

22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.

23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.

24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)

25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.

26. Dance together.

27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.

28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.

29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes!!

30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.

31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.

32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.

34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.

35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.

36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.

37. Hang out with his/her friends.

38. Go to church/pray/worship together.

39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.

40. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.

41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.

42. Make sacrifices for each other.

43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.

44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.

45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.

47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.

48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.

50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."

haish. hahahah sweet dreams my love.....

hmmz yesterday was okie i guess. waited for zack for about one full hour at the interchange. i just knew he was gonna be late so why did i even bother going out early. but because i was early, i bumped into mustafa kamal bin ishak and forced him to sit with me. after all it has been such a long time. can see dat poly life has taken its toll on him. poor guy. remember the old times between the both of us where we just sit at the railings observing the world. making stupid commentz on the way people dress, on how people walk, on how fat that minah is on how hot dat girl is and so on and so forth. it was great huh. so yeah zack came so we met dynn at dhoby gaut. sat outside planet paradigm to kill time. after all stardom starts at 7. my uncle fazlin was there in full uniform. a punk? a skin? a rudeboy? nah. an ampai. hehe so smart loooking in is police uniform. pantat jack siolz! haha so yeah anyhows.

zack and alif went in so me and dynn went off to planet paradigm. got lost in the nel. ended up taking the wrong train. how stupid is dat. haha so went to stardom and it was super lame. there were some funny moments like perform like the band 'masih pat teka' . den digiland was enjoyable. the vox had an extremely nice voice. den the dance, rapping stuff bored me untill mad. so after no better than you had played me and dynn left.

on the bus home from pasir ris interchange i bumped into a colleague of mine. and in the middle of the conversation i told him i lost my hp. and he told me. he found a hp. so i was like. omigosh. sell it to me sell it to me. and he was like sure how much how much?

so no i am a not so proud owner of a nokia 2100 which cost me 20 freaking bucks. HAHAHAHAHAHAH o well all the while i was aiming for that 3200 but god damn. 20 bucks for a hp. Sebat je lar...

and yes it strikes me all of a sudden dat girls with brilliant english turn me on...

temporary layout... have a nice day...

ah the gig at republic poly isnt a gig at all. each band can only bring 2 outsiders. i mean wat the hell?? guessing probably its like an assembly kind of thing. o well. yeah we are last band we start our set at 1330 hours. okie kids 31st may. lets gatecrash rp!!!!

cant wait for it man. i mean like omigosh were gonna be performing a republic poly man.. whooppee!!

(read sarcasm*)

wee. im just so lazy to do a new layout at the moment so yeah. weeee. 50 first dates is a nice show. not as funny as i wanted to. i mean i didnt exactly have stomach cramps. ive never really liked adam sandler's style of comedic expression. wanted to watch dawn of the dead but dynn chickened out. wat the heck? WALKING TALL? ah action- hero movies are so lame. if you smell lalalallala what the fie is cooking

going to stardom 2morrow with the same people i hanged out with today. donno why the heck i am choosing to skip the planet paradigm gig but o well must support classmate. so yeah anyone goint to ite stardom plz. leave me a msg if u need a friend. heh.

argh mother fuck. accidentally deleted the whole template while editing it. stupid mother fucking com. and i the stupid ass hole did not make a back up of it. now fuck this fucking totally fucking ridiculous.argh fuck it.

wat makes a person a mat? just because he has super tight pants, drinks liqour, smokes, has dyed hair, luis vuitton( correct or not?) bag, beatle bug shoes and birkenstock slip ons doesnt make him a mat. or does it? cause i have a couple of friends who dress up this way. but cant possibly be branded mats. yes even with a big tattoo on his chest. or even belonging to some particular group.

at first of course when i started getting to know them. i was very very uncomfortable. cause i always have the mind set that these are people who are, well..... bad. till today i ahve difficulty conversing with them even though they turned out to be nice people. yes never judge a book by its cover they say and i fully understand that now. no way though that im saying i like mats and will hang out with them and eventually become one of them. fuck no. im just saying not all mats are dat bad. minahs are totally different however. and dat is totally another story.

answers to tags:

fad: ahahakz plz plz im such a sucky guitar player. im not teaching. just helping. so yeah NO. haha

raq: hello. thx for dropping by. and who might your friend be??

ifran: ifran, if my entries are deep, than the singapore river is the shallowest place in the world.

shahrul : u steal my customers!! nene pop!!!

anyways amazing how music has control of your feelings. started my day off listening to streetlight manifesto. and heck yeah was smiling and body moving at the back of the bus. den i listened to plainsunset when i was going home. and it was raining. so yeah u know the picture. heh. nieways. this blog is supposed to be dead right????

have a nice day.

love or money????? well depends on wat type of love. love for your parents. love for your friends. love for your sister. this sorts of thing money cant buy. but sad to say money can buy u a girlfriend. yes its true. prove me wrong.

i choose money u know why? cause love cant buy you a canon powershot a80. love cant buy you gibson sg. unless of course u buttfuck the salesman. u can fall in love all over again if you fall out of it. money doesnt exactly fall from the sky.

so untill i find the absolute perfect one to be my only one. yes my only one. my first and my last. im just gonna give love a miss.

jus finished doing a simple flash cover page for my swe project. been a while since ive touched that software so yeah completely bummed. got myself a neat chords and scales book. its about time i got real help in my guitar. practicing all those scales and shit. i need to improve myself.

so starting next week im giving guitar lessons to mustafa at the price of 2 dollars every lesson plus free drink. how nice is dat?? considering that im a lousy guitar player. o well.

den of kos. when my dgcam arrives.. gonna go shooting with shahrul or/and mus.will take nice pics of scenery. i plan not to take pics of people. people just suck. heh.

all this and more to be done in the holidays. school is getting ever so lame.cant wait for it to be over. need to do something else rather than jamming and onlining. wee photography and lan games coming right up! heh.



okie okie i admit the only reason why i listen to denali is because of the gorgeous lead singer. maura davis. den again. the reason most of you people listen to my star is because of azura. so yeah. jeng jeng.

my current fav band. heh

heh. i need space. projects are killing me. spent the whole day falling asleep. on the way to skool. on the bus to woodlands. on adi's bed. on the pavement. on the bus back to tamp. on the bus back to pasir ris. on my bed. on my toliet bowl. and on my computer desk. goodness. need more sleep.

nieways did my testimonial rounds. writing out testimonials for almost everyone whom i feel is worthy. haha well mainly because im bored and im trying to combat my sleepiness. so yeah cheers

thanx shahrul for the chicken rice and bandong. nice treat. good luck with your seahorse adi. mesti bleh nye.

anyways. amazing i used to think that only scenesters wear studded belts and all but it seems to me everybody is wearing it now. lucky ive sold mine. yeah aku dah relax dah. im not being myself. anyways. i seriusly need a guitar teacher and new songs. and yeah my band seriusly needs a new band name. UNDEREDGE IS THE WORST FREAKING BAND NAME EVER.

ah yesh somebody highlited to me dat i speak like a mat. haiyah. must cut down use of expletives....

an awesome song by an awesome band

iris riot - Sweet November

I miss you less with each day you're gone
Only a day before you blow fifteen candles
On the day itself,you were passing out
Our letters to the fire in your skies and clouds


Why must you pretend
That i'm no longer there?
Why must you leave me
As the hero in despair?


I know that your whispers
Are only winds of your changes
Between black and white
Like the bluest skies of November


Don't you understand that what i said is true?
I'm pissed like a bottle of wine without you
In my life
You told me that i'm an emotional basketcase
Alike or not,my iris has withered all away

your - ass update: upcoming gigs.
26th may repubic poly mini gig.
24th and 25th july tapestry gig (yet to be confirmed)

so anyhows. my pins are booked by some dude playing in a band called a subtle revenge. Yeah that frodo fella. so yeah. we shall see wats left hur.

aku miss kau cam nak giler sak!!!
i miss you untill mad!!!

wee popz.

if u guys dont already know... this site is dead already. just gonna use it for remembering stuff. i just dunt want anybody reading about my life anymore. its just not interesting. your-ass is having an audition tomorrow for the tapestry thing. dun tink we will get it though. o well. nvm.

stuffs to sell:*updated*

lost prophets- start something cd *$10*
acoustic guitar *$10*
studded belt *$15*
incubus - a crow left of the murder cd *$12*
oasis there and then live video cd *$10*
mesh cap *$5*
guitar casing *$10*

pins at *$1*each: finch, my chemical romance, cursive,the used,mysquaredcircle,59 mins,story of the year,thursday,cesspit,takingbacksunday,coheed and cambria, brand new, funeral for a friend

desperate men do desperate things...

stuffs to sell:

lost prophets- start something cd *$10*
acoustic guitar *$10*
studded belt *$15*
incubus - a crow left of the murder cd *$12*
oasis there and then live video cd *$10*
mesh cap *$5*
guitar casing *$10*

pins at *$1*each: finch, my chemical romance, cursive,the used,mysquaredcircle,59 mins,story of the year,thursday,cesspit,takingbacksunday,coheed and cambria, brand new, funeral for a friend

desperate men do desperate things...

i lost my handphone and life sucks. have a nice day.

whoo maura of denali si one freaking babe. when i heard her voice I felt overwhelmed, caught up, spent. I wanted both to take it all in, in a lifesaving breath, and to let all of it go, in a heavy, soul-cleansing sob. haish... anyways. work yesterday was hectic. did go kart for the first time. and yeah i was nervous. really fucking nervous. but raj kumar adrian mutu helped me through and it went well. a heck load of accidents. and i almost got runover a few times. but all in all. very fulfilling. going to the gig in a few mins time. see ya at the rock show.

choice of music:brand new- sic transit gloria

been spending lesser and lesser time online these past few days. i guess i should feel proud of it. i mean what do i do when im online anyways? just staring at the stupid screen and surfing the same old websites. so heH! working in a few hrs time. gonna go do the go kart for the first time. im not really excited about it. why? cause i hate trying new things.

urgh. theres a gig tomorrow. and i cant wait to go. gonna go catch zad's oi band. . the november iris. haha RIOT!

the drum god himself junaidi kusnong will be perfroming with doilm. MUSt see. MUSt see.

hoping the outing with shahrul, adi, dynn and han will be great. hope so. and yeah hello zoom 505. byebye $70.

this has been stupid entry. but whoever cares. love u alif.!!

sometimes i wonder... a bunch of people calls me quiet yet another bunch tells me im way too loud, a bunch of people calls me funny yet another bunch tell me off for trying to be funny. hmmmz madness. who am i? o well shall find out..

another lame quiz. yeyness!

× · I N F O R M A T I O N · × ·

Name: rafiee
Single or taken: singlemingle
Sex: Male
Birthday: 11 june
Sign: gemini
Siblings: my sister
Hair color: black (natural is BEST!)
Eye color: blackish brown i tink. dunt really know
Height: 169cm

· × · R E L A T I O N S H I P S · × ·

Who are your best friends?: allen,fir,dan,din,alif,zack,
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: NO

· × · F A S H I O N | S T U F F · × ·

Where is your favorite place to shop: anywhere with cheap stuff
Any tattoos or piercings: Nopez

· × · S P E C I F I C S · × ·

Do you do drugs?: panadol ish best!
What kind of shampoo do you use?: anything that my mum buys
What are you most scared of?: god
What are you listening to right now?: hey mercedes - que shiraz
Who is the last person that called you?: urmz. my mum
Where do you want to get married?: at the beach
How many buddies are online right now?: 18
What would you change about yourself?: my rabbit teeth
?
· × · F A V O R I T E S · × ·

Color: black, white and grey ( currently in love with my blog colour though )
Food: ramlee burgers!!
Boys names: rafiee
Girls names: urh. sitikus. or watipusamalu. or whatever
Subjects in school: pe in sec school and snw in ite
Animals: humans

· × · H A V E | Y O U | E V E R · × ·

Given anyone a bath?: no
Smoked?: yes
Bungee jumped?: no, but would love to
Made yourself throw up?:when i pretend to be sick
Skinny dipped?: NO!!
Ever been in love?: define love...
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: urgh no. im no sissyboy
Pictured your crush/bf naked?: heh.
Actually seen your crush/bf naked?: heh.
Cried when someone died?: yes
lied: yes
Fallen for your best friend?: nopez
Used someone?: no. i tink so. no

· × · C U R R E N T · × ·

Clothes: tampines secondary cca t-shirt
Music: slick shoes - darko
Make-up: im no sissy
Annoyance:grrrr lack of free time
Smell: chikcen wings
Desktop picture: jon chan
Book you're reading: urgh. no books. blame it on lack of time and money
CD in player: lost prohphets-start something
DVD in player: incubus- crow left of the murder free dvd

· × · L A S T | P E R S O N · × ·

You touched: mummy
hugged: gosh shahrul?
You IMed: zack.
You yelled at: my sister. i do dat everyday
You kissed: geee. Never been kissed. hurhur my mummy actually.

· × · A R E | Y O U · × ·

Understanding: very. though sometimes people dunno how to appreciate dat
Open-minded: yes
Arrogant: no of kos not. why should i be
Insecure: very
Hungry: yes
Smart: nobodys stupid so everybodys smart
Moody: everynight when im online i tend to get moody
Hard working: lazy
Organized: my room is a mess
Healthy: nopez
Shy: WOHOO!! wat an understatement
Difficult: guess so
Bored easily: yes indeed
Responsible: fuck dat
Obsessed: no.
Angry: nopez
Sad: no
Happy: no..
Hyper: well depends on the people im with
Trusting: yes

· × · W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A · × ·

Kill?: urmz. CRAIG WINN
slap: im not a violent person
Get really wasted with?: wtf
Get high with: You!
Talk to offline: all of my friends
Talk to online: shall not disclose
Sex it up with: JESSICA ALBA

· × · R A N D O M · × ·

In the morning I am: sleepy
All you need is: more TLC
Love is: a question for me
I dreamt about: being a rockstar
Sexual preference: animals
What do you notice first in the sex you're into: facial expression, legs and fashion

· × · W H I C H | I S | B E T T E R · × ·

Coke or Pepsi: coke
Flowers or chocolate: snickers.
Tall or short: short
Fat or thin: thin
School or work: school

· W H O · × ·

Makes you laugh the most: the kids
you smile: the kids
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: urh this is depressing

· × · D O | Y O U | E V E R · × ·

Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: well yes. HAIZ.
Save conversations: NO
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: ahaha sometimes
wish you were younger: yes
Cried because someone said something to you?: no.

· × · N U M B E R · × ·

Of times I have had my heart broken: zero
Of hearts I have broken: zero i guess.
Of CD's I own: whoah. too many
Of scars on my body: one big one on the back of my head. the rest i donch know.
Of things that I regret: whoah. a whole damn lot.

· × · Y O U R | T H O U G H T S · × ·

I know: that i suck until mad.
I want: CANON POWERSHOT A80
I have: a pathetic life
I wish: that i was the 4th member of blink 182
I hate: assholes, fuckers, bitches, bastards,
I fear: god
I hear: never too late- self denial
I search: for the meaning of my life
I wonder: about that special person. hmmz who might you be?
I love: my band,my parents, my whole family and YOU!

okie i want this for my brithday!!!!! JUNE 11 kiDS!! Canon POWERSHOT A80!!! jgn tak jadik eh!! aku rela kene buang dalam laut kalau korang belik kan aku nie!! huanghuanghuanhunag.. HEH!

well we got the slot. but so yeah underedge next gig will be on the 26th of may. will be playing with back by monday and good people association. a set of only 3 songs. hurhurhur. nvm tak yah stress stress.

am home now, have a 2 hour break from skool. so lepak at home for awhile listening to blink 182- anthem part 2. shall go back to skool for nwf in an hours time for some stupid phase test. confirm fail!

wee todays audition went well. i guess so. the kids there were kind of impressed by my star. got soem superlatives from them and since they were total strangers i finally believe that my star is a nice song after all. heh o well a super sized THANKS to u-DYnn for taking the photos. go see them if u want. audition photos

watch out for back by monday and grand punk auto in the years too come. great bands that we auditioned with. heh anyways for those of u haven heard my star yet, feel free to dwl here----> mY right ASs! . so long

supposed to go to skool. but i tink im sick. well i think so cause theres a big irritation in my throat. other than that its just a lame excuse for me not to go to skool. im still super shagged from saturday's pit. did a lot of walking. wanted to sleep but i cant, lots of things running through my mind. i sometimes forget girls are sensitive creatures. should watch what i say next time.

so yeah if wat zura said is true. your - ass will be performing in 2 weeks time at some pub or something. yeah! big fucking deal. were so gonna screw up again but i dun mind. tomorrow we have an audition or something at republic poly, its for some mini gig. no prob. i mean a set of 3 songs? well i dun really mind dat.

listening to oasis's be here now album. theyre an awesome band really. just love their old stuff so much. same cant be said about their new stuff. dont find anything interesting there wat with the lineup changes and all.

oasis - dont go away

a cold and frosty morning theres not a lot to say
about the things caught in my mind
and as the day was dawning my plane flew away
with all the things caught in my mind
and i wanna be there when you're...
coming down
and i wanna be there when you hit the ground...
so dont go away
say what you say
but say that you'll stay
forever and a day
in the time of my life
cos i need more time
yes i need more time
just to make things right
damn my situation and the games i have to play
with all the things caught in my mind
damn my education i cant find the words to say
about the things caught in my mind
me and you wats going on?
all we seem to know is hot to show
the feelings that are wrong..

was about to go to sleep when i realise fight club was on tv. so i switched on my com again and im typing out another entry. hmmmz wat should i whine about now?. well NOTHING!!!

bradd pitt has an awesome body! i want!

my internet explorers is a piece of shit... shall not elaborate

pit was fun and tiring. shall not elaborate cause who the fuck wants to know? so yeah. yip-tee-do.

got this from massy's site so yeah just filled in this to fill up this stupid page.

10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately:

1) blink 182

2) box car racer

3) plain sunset

4) the lost prophets

5) funeral for a friend

6) coldplay

7) oasis

8) hoobastank

9) marchtwelve

10) backstreet boys (honestly!)



//09 things you look forward to:

1) underedge's next gig

2) june holidays

3) getting married

4) jessica alba calling me

5) underedge performing in the warped tour

6) becoming a millionaire

7) taking over the world

8) falling in love

9) anybody calling me



//8 things you like to wear:

1) underpants

2) jeans

3) t-shirts

4) polo shirts

5) Chuck Taylors

6) caps

7) sandals.

8) 3/4 pants



//07 things that annoy you:

1) me.

2) my sis.

3) miNahs

4) fat minahs who tink they have a body like jessica alba.

5) mats

6) my internet fucking up on me

7) LER. fuck dat word.


//06 things you say most days:

1) cheebye

2) plabuto ar

3) HAHA cam SEEeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaak.

4) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

5) sial ar kau

6) siala bala
.


//05 things you do everyday:

1) blogging

2) surfing

3) bathing

4) eat and shit

5) Sleep!


//04 people you want to spend more time with:

1) mum>
2) dad

3) ****

4) you!!



//03 movies you could watch over and over again:

1) american pie
2) american pie 2
3) american pie 3


//02 of your favorite songs at the moment:

1) immature- plain sunset

2) there is - box car racer



//01 person you could spend the rest of your
life with:

1) you!!

work was incredibly fun and relaxing. selsila is an awesome person to work with in the sense that shes the one who will make the initiative to start a conversation. and i had a ball of a time poking fun at her at every single chance. for example when she dropped her id card in the pool, when she told me her age, her aspiritions, well i poked fun at her everytime she told me something. not to mention i was called a bastard by her frequently but den again i didnt mind. we were laughing so hard at one point of time that our manager came to our station and asked us if we were together. and i was like wtf. and she was like wtf? so yeah wtf? haha no way man. shes like 2 years older den me and shes waiting for entrance to a university. so yeah haha but den again i dun mind. :p heh!

i miss jamming with first chapter. Really honestly do. The first chapter with zaid behind the vox, no offence to khus but zaid i felt was a better vocalist in the sense that he can scream and sing nicely and also he used to always crack me up with his stupid sum 41 jokes. but yea it had to end the way it were. when he left the band and wan joined his brothers in arms, everything went downhill after dat. there was hardly time to jam what with tweet having no direction and rika and me being with underdge. so yeah kind of impossible to get together. and when tweet left the band it was the last straw for me. i felt as though when tweet left. the purpose of first chapter was gone. there was no point in continuing so yeah. but the fact is i miss jamming with them. with first chapter. there was never a hint of seriusness. jammin was always filled with laughter. quite a contrast sometimes with underedge. no offence to them. but sometimes jamming tends to be too serius. but that is another story. so yeah haish well good luck to fir and wan and khus. hope u guys can go far.

friendsters being a bitch. i had written dynn a very very long testmonial but when i submiited it. friendster greeted me with a user id not found. i mean like wat the fuck. sorry dynn!! blame it on that lame site. o well working 2morrow. hpe everything goes well

im pretty much agitated right now. this is of course normally how i feel at an hour like this. its the time when i would just sit back and tink about the day's events. nothing is worth mentioning here in this blog so i shall ramble on how fucking irritated i am with some people on msn. they dun realise it but some words they just type out fucking makes me pissed.

examples being : " ... " and " LER " ah these two words or characters might result in ur msn conversation with me being flooded with expletives. well maybe. cause i know that will most probably be something that i would regret for the rest of my fucking lame life. i need more friends. i dun wanna lose em

its just in times like this u need someone who could understand you and lend u a listening ear. unfortunately for me none of the guys could. i mean no offence to the pp kids but i seriusly dun have anyone that i could call a bestfriend. someone who knows me inside out, someone who knows how i react to wat is happening around and i wish i could have. i wish i could jsut chat soembody up and whine about my problmes but den again who am i kidding ? they have their own lives to attend to, why should they lose several minits of their time so dat they could listen to me ramble and whine away.

im pissed off. and im not sure about what. well at least i can count on music and my blog to be there for me when i need them the most.

immature is the best song for the month of march. fuck ur april foolness

" u know i coudlnt make u mine.. so i had to let you go...."

so am i

shai is grandfatherfucker

im a sucker

shai is a sex freak

whoah. singapore 1-2 japan. hows dat for a scoreline??? certainly surprised me but i had sort of a feeling that japan gave singapore way too much face cause from wat i saw.. japan could have easily gotten more den 5 goals considering how many chances they waste. but all in all... congrats to singapore on a job well done. im guessing the papers will be filled with headlines about how singapore football is heading into the right direction and all.
yeah right? malaysia will come over and kick their asses again, again and again...

anyhows #emo channel got taken over by some asshole from the band madshack i tink.. wat an idiot!! wat is he trying to prove and he had the cheek to ask us to grow up??? fuck off.wat a good way to get urself involve in the scene o well. some people just cant stop digging their own graves.

came to skool early today so as to escape saturday duty. kind of like an achievement considering that i have consistently woken up half an hour before skool starts. so now im doing some linux installation and i have no FRIGGIN idea. okie nieways yesterday's chatting session at #emo channel really reminded me of the times when #kubur was alive and well. there were a hell lot people in that channel. I mean i would purposely go back home early so dat i can chat with the assholes. it was really fun. but then we all grew up and got tired of chatting. just like we got tired of playing counter strike. wooo yeah we would blow huge amount of money just to get 2-3 hrs of lan gaming. ha ha those were the days.
to the pp assholes.... biler nak main game lagik??
getting my pay in a few days time. like yeah man!! hoping it will be enough to buy me a digital camera. not just a camera. a good one. urmz so... okie okie i need to go now...

underedge - no title

i'll call your name
and wonder if you'll ever answer..
going desperate
your scent is fading away...
i feel so far....
and i feel so distant....
its like your faceless to me
can't u see im withering....


its a long way home and i cant see
my futures right there in front of me
where do i go from here
these dreams dissapear
intertwining paths forever lost without you
darkened skies you shine right through...

and i cant go on without you in my life..


well im sorry but i cant help it
these tears has flowed on far too long
deep inside u know im failing, so why do you choose to break the bond?

u left me alone...

heh.. this song is stuck in my head... one of the best songs i have written.. but yeah we didnt play this song too well at vibes... hehe o well...

where are you now?? i can hear footsteps. maybe im dreaming.....

hmmz its sad but true, ive made up my mind. seriusly though, i thought that the band had potential. i was already picturing us playing at a 3 letter sessions type gig one day but den i tot we were already cursed when he said those words. first gig, first band, first chapter. and yeah thats where the story ends for me. the first chapter. hope everything goes well for them. good luck for your future endeavours.

thx for the memories.....

yeah im feeling this!!

marchtwelve - telephone

my finger remembers the buttons to press
even after i tried so hard
to erase your number from memory
and failed to detect the need to forget
the hurt
the urge
to hear the voice
that for many times had kept me going

and when i get too tired
i fall asleep with the phone clutched close to me
its ringing constantly
i doubt that anybodys picking up
but then i hear a voice on the line
it wasnt what i needed to forget
the hurt
the urge
to hear the voice
that for many times had kept me going

and when i get too tired
i fall asleeep with the phone clutched close to me
i want to forget the memory
i need to be away from misery
(pick up the telephone )
i want to forget to pain
i need the sun more than i need the rain.

we sucked just now. honestly we sucked. i made a hellot of mistakes.. and i wish we could have played find a way a little better.. argh dammit.. sorry jon!!!! argh!!!! madness..

i simply loved the people i hanged out with today, fir,dan,alif,aliff,allen,azura,lina,dynn,din,zack,taufiq,lukman and hmmz there were a lot.. cant possibly remember all... but nvm.. the fact is i had fun throughout the gig... the music was great. a losing streak, dead end, pop whizee, shoe size nine blew my brains out.. all of them were suiperb!!! learned a lot just standing and looking at them.

so niehows.. the whole group ended up at s-11 after the gig ended... me,zack, taufiq,dynn,din,alip,allen,aliff, dan, lukman... there was lizard, tasya, sammy and his girl, so yeah.. said hello... den we caught leeds vs birmingham live... which was a stupid match cause leeds lost.. but nvm.. it was very kecoh man with they all... had a fucking fun time.. laughing my guts out at every single little joke. superb lar... had so much fun... wish i could hang out with this particular group of people.. like the extended pp.. heh.. haish.. weeee wishful thinking yeah?? argh but nieways went back home late... got scolded.. but nvm.. dat cant take away the super fun that i had... love yea guys untill mad...!!!!

the emptiness has found its way back into me. urgh just feel the urge to make love with a tree or a lamp post or even the fucking mailbox ala rob schneider in the animal. heh.

hmmz something else i like to add which irritates me alot

have u guys ever been turned of by people saying that they hate poseurs in the I hate section of their blog. I mean doesnt it ever occur to them that they themselves might be poseurs?

something for u guys to tink about. heh and yeah name taken fucking rulez!

been awhile since ive blogged. i mean really really blogged. Last few entrys were typed down just for the sake of updating. Guess my life isnt worth writing about.

Read massy's blog and yeah it does really suck to have people diss and cuss you online. No matter how nice you are to people, there are some idiots who dunt give a fuck. The net is littered with them. At audioreload, band sites, blogs, literally everywhere. I for one dun give a shit. say wat u wanna say. im fucking ignorant.

Feel really sorry though for her and apis but its something that some people might have to get used to if theyre writing stuff about their personal lives. Thats why having a blog is kind of risk. It lets people whom u dont even know, read about your life. and they will of course, make automatic assumptions.

most people i know in real life are different from their personality online. I know dat for a fact. I mean an absolutely emo,sad, pathetic bugger who complains to you everynight on msn might be the most cheerful person in real life. An outgoing or bubbly person on msn could be as quiet as a door mouse

so yeah dun put ur trust in someone behind a computer.
especially a person like me. heh.
i have a maths test tomorrow so im gonna hit the books now.

reply to the taggers: shaw tee- haha no no u mean the sun is getting hotter. im dark until mad
linda- hello
alif - discuss ur nenepop lar
xthrowdowx- ye ye discuss this sat
tweet - yeah emo sucks, so does everything else
sinaran kejayaan- yea yea bawah block!serius!
her- yeah your linked too!

ok bye??

its raining and i cant seem to sign in my msn. haish. my relatives are in the living room but i dun really tink i should be out there catering to their needs. not in the mood to do dat.

i wish you would miss me the way that i miss you. honestly.....

feeling so hyper right now but at the same time super shagged. Jamming went well... amazing how time flies when ur having fun. played find a way. A song i never thought i could play but it turned out alright. But if u ask me. I would honestly say we are not prepared for the gig this sat. but nvm. heh. ok super tired shall sleep now.

just updating for the sake of updating.. work was a bore, got lost in sengkang while on the way to hafiz's, finished the stupid swe project which i knew nothing about, went to compass point, got lost on the way back from compass point, reached home at 2200 hrs, watched man yoo beat hotspurs 3-0, watched blade 2, chatted for a while, updating blog. updated blog. goodnights.

work was 'happening' yesterday. Honestly was. Had a lot of fun with naim, baqir and bunch. bunch fell into the water twice well not his whole body but both his legs. One for each time. And it was fucking hilarious but yeah MAintAin CooLnEss yea?? hahaha.

Didnt go to the mosh launch cause i was given overtime. Which was fine by me cause i needed the extra money. I mean heck it was ska anyway, so i guess i didnt really miss much. Got to do the flume ride!! albeit ticketing but sangeetha was kind enough to teach me the controls i even got to take the ride for testing. it was freaking high... and the plunge was punishing.. urh... lost my heart for a while there haha but yeah. i also did a matrix kinda manoever in front of the guests. well as u know the flume ride has 2 plat forms. one for exiting and one for entering. it is seperated in the middle by a conveyer belt which moves the boats. so i was crossing the entering platform to the exit platform to basically brief the guests. so when i stepped on to the conveyer belt. sangeetha accidentally moved the conveyor belt so i spinned 360 degrees, fell onto the platform and immediately got back up in one sweeping move. wah madness... hahah didnt know i could do dat..

*maintain coolness*

nieways im now a big fan of alif's blog. i mean seriously i tot all he wrote in there was crap but now hor.. hehe yeah really love it.. k im off to prayers now.. see yea guys later..

ah mad why do i always have to have sucky days... or sucky endings to happy days... argh.. yesterday was fun but it all ended sucky cause i accidentally throwed my sisters shoes away... argh madnes... there goes another hundred bux... haiyah

todays outing with han was refreshing.. really really refreshing... i mean when u go out with someone new, there are like new topics to talk about, new things to learn and even though me and han have been friends for 2 years already... ive only met her a few times. haha so yea considered new oso. And heck she had a lot of things to talk about so yea really enjoyed her company.... thx! whooPz

felt as though i need to write something. so im gonna.

okie dats all for today... good nytes

4 days is quite a long time duncha tink?

i have a distinct feeling that somebody is ignoring me. donno.. maybe im jumping to conclusions but den again... o well just miss her company dats all...

decided to go the ska fest after all and it was boring ar... i came late and saw only cesspit. They were great but somehow i remember having more fun at the cesspit/59mins cd launch several moons ago. the crowd was better ar. 4 bands doesnt really constitute the gig being called Ska fest. would have been been way better if zakko's band played. Plan to fool ring a bell?? heh. tired of life. already byebye...

dotz

sending out my condolences to huda and her family. Sorry for your loss.....

at work time flew past extraordinaryily fast... my only regret though was it didnt rain.but heck now den its raining...

eating mint ice cream now while lsitening to blink 182's enema of the state. I got reunited with it yesterday. like after 2 years or so of finding it. Donno if it was dat long but heck sure it felt dat way. *mental note* NEVER lend any more cds to friends yang takleh harap!) ok go!!

anyways session was great yesterday. well i tink so.. haha. 4/5 of your- ass came.. bassist not included.. hurhur... Managed to work out several songs. azura was limping because of an injury sustained in a soccer match.. and i was like.. hurhur wah madness happening siolz...!!! ahha east hammers got team to challenge already.. haha so merepekz lar... k... so during a break.. i sat down with din and i looked up at the sky.yes ar i dpt TGK STARS... hurhur but den ar... zura corrected me dat some were satellites.. in fact all the twinkly twinkly stars are satellites... so it was lame lar..

twinkle twinkle little satellites...

nieways... i was really disgusted by all those couples exchanging saliva at the esplanade.. i mean cmon lar.. go do it in behind some bushes or sumthing.. not in full view of the public. even a lesbian couple were doing it. ARGH!!! in times like this i wish i had my own dat i could smooch... haiz... http://friendster.com .....

this is a very interesting article dat i got from someone's blog. it kept me company for quite a while... if u guys donno me dat well. I reallly love to read. I would buy a book and keep reading it day ang night till its over. The only reason i stopped reading nowadays is because my library card got revoked.. so.. heh happy reading


The Racist's Apology
by Alfian Saat

Introduction
This is an email written by 24 year old Singaporean writer Alfian Sa'at. He had earlier written to the artscommunity e-group saying that he was willing to hold creative writing workshops, but only for "indigenous Singaporeans". Somebody asked the obvious, and this is his reply.


I walked out of the house this morning and feared I had become a racist. I passed by a newsstand and a magazine tells me about 50% of the world's most beautiful people are from the West, 10% from Singapore, 45% from HongKong and Taiwan and 5% from India and Malaysia. A JC Decaux billboard says that a lot of people read their ads and they have faces to prove it: Chinese people of various ages and occupations and genders. There are some which show non-Chinese people but they don't have the dignity of individual names, and they are put under the heading 'The Changing Face of Singapore'.

This can mean that perhaps the media is using more non-Chinese people in their ads (which I don't see) or that Singapore's demographic makeup is being altered by the arrival of other races (which I am not aware of, historically). I take a bus and TV Mobile is screening a Taiwanese variety programme. A Singaporean beauty contestant wears a cheongsam as her national costume and asks for an interpreter to translate her replies from Mandarin. The Speak Mandarin campaign informs me of what assets are missing from my life.

Tanya Chua's music video comes on and I unconsciously tally the number of Malay people that appear; I have been doing this for some time now, when I was in JC there was a 'My Singapore' music video which showed images of corporate-looking Chinese women walking through the CBD and Malay women in factory uniforms walking through a bus interchange. Tanya Chua's 'Where I Belong' shows three instances of Malay people populating the landcsape: a husband and wife riding a scooter; a father and son on a bicycle, the son carrying a box one presumes is filled with curry puffs or goreng
pisang, and a group of Malay youths playing soccer in a housing estate ghetto so rundown, it looks like an opposition ward being denied of upgrading, or one of those satellite towns built when Jurong swamps were still being filled.

But perhaps this is an improvement over other images: the satay man, the songbird owner, the mee rebus Makcik, the Malay bride and groom getting married in gold-embroidered finery (and situated on a dais, we Malays like to call them 'royalty for a day', playing the illusion of being king and queen in a country where the royal bloodline has been evicted from their home and told that the ruins of their palace will be converted into a museum).

I think about what Sang Nila Utama really did when he threw his crown into the sea to calm the raging storm; whether the gales spoke to his inner ear: 'if you want to live on the island you must surrender all memory of having once been a prince'. At the Sentosa Merlion there are signs that say that Sang Nila himself saw the Merlion rising from the waters, a fact that the Sejarah Melayu, the Malay Annals, failed to mention. Evidently there is someone called 'Sang Nila' somewhere in the executive committee of the Singapore Tourist Promotion Board.

At the foot of the Raffles statue in Boat Quay there is an inscription that says the man's genius transformed a 'sleepy fishing village' into the modern metropolis it is today, this at the foot of a man who recorded in his journals how he saw the tombs of the Malay kings, and inscriptions on a fortress wall, when he first landed: evidence of an empire, of civilisation.

In an interview a doyenne of Singapore theatre laments that all Singaporeans are 'cultural orphans', including the Malays, because they migrated from Malaysia and Indonesia, and that makes them immigrants too, no matter that one can take a sampan from Johor to Singapore.

I walk through a park in Tampines and see Chinese boys playing basketball at the court and Malay boys playing soccer on the field; I am comforted that my complete uselessness at ball games has prevented me from taking either side, has by default made me a conscientious objector to such disturbing polarities. In the army a sergeant major never called be by my name; I was called 'Melayu', which I suppose was better than 'Ah-Neh', used to address the Indians in the platoon. I remember a fellow Malay platoon mate who told me to give it my all when I was fasting, this was to prevent anyone from saying that we could use religion as an excuse for our weakness. He was eventually posted to the infantry (not logistics or engineers, much less the Navy or Airforce) and I used to imagine him burning up his pre-fasting morning meal to be the first to charge up the hill, yelling the pain of hunger and the pain of being different. The Malay staff sergeant in Officer Cadet School gave me a lot of shit just
to overcompensate, to show everyone that he was not into any form of racial favouritism. I became a victim of the sidelong glances he made as he watched me doing mypushups, those eyes constantly seeking approval from the eyes of the majority.

I see a schoolgirl from a madrasah wearing a tudung on the MRT and she is filling in the pictures in her colouring book. There are many choices among her colour pencils which she can use for skin, but she will use orange, and colour lightly, not brown or black. I have seen her schoolmates before, eyeing branded scoolbags at pasar malams, wearing branded sports shoes, like every other kid. I want to go up to her and hug her, and tell her how her tudung is not just a symbol of modesty, but a symbol of inscrutability. That layer of cloth makes her suspicious to others, it can be used to smuggle in a grenade or an agenda, so she will never get a frontline desk job, she will be expected to hang around with other tudung-wearing women in the university. I think about the fathers who sent their daughters to schools in tudung and reflect on how the media has framed them as shit-stirrers rather than citizens who practised their right to civil disobedience, the same way Gandhi fasted, or Rosa Parks refused to sit at her negroes-only seat on the segregated bus. If I can tell the girl one thing, it is 'integration is not assimilation', or 'tolerance is a failure in understanding' even though it is something she will take time to understand.

I think also of the men who filmed different locations in Singapore with the heinous intent of planting bombs. Did they not consider the various innocent Singaporean lives that could have been claimed by what they were about to do? And I wonder if they had already chosen another country to live in; a country in which they do not have to face a creeping sense of alienation, of redundancy. And I am not talking about an Islamic country, not Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia or anywhere else, but an afterlife paradise, where everyone is equal in the eyes of God, where wearing a sarong or having a beard does not immediately make you a proto-terrorist. Or perhaps a country that exists in their minds, nurtured by a growing sense of insularity and isolation, where they walk the streets and everyone else is just a ghost, in whose dead eyes they cannot find any light of empathy or understanding.

Once someone told me: 'But the government is bending over backwards to accommodate you Malays.' I smiled and wanted to ask him if it wasn't the other way round, that the Malays are made to bend forward to be fucked senseless. Another time a journalist asked if the statistical evidence of 'progress' shows that Malays are being given the same opportunities as everyone else. I told her that statistics don't do shit for me, as someone who has to live day by day as a Malay person in this country. I told her one Malay Air Force pilot poster boy, and a few bar charts and graphs, don't make me feel more at home. The only thing they do is to convince non-Malays that the country they live in is truly multiracial, that there are no tensions beneath the veneer of newsprint and newscasts and the rosy speeches of Malay MP's.

I have always believed in multi-racialism. I can say with utmost confidence that I have more friends who are non-Malay than those who are. And I mean real friends, who I confide in, who I've shared many things with, who I do love dearly. And yet, of late, I have the feeling that alot of the things I'm saying, a lot of this talk about alienation and marginalisation, only feeds subconsciously into their sense of how fortunate they are to be born into the status quo. I have written a poem before where I say, 'But more than that we prayed for ourselves,/treading the rosary of our blessings,/for what is pity without thanks for/the opportunity for such pity?' And sometimes I feel as if the more my voice is raised on the fast-eclipsing fate of the minority, the more it feeds into the majority's smugness and arrogance about their assured place in the sun. And this only makes me feel more powerless than if I had kept silent.

So I say now, forgive me if you think my desire to work with my own people marks me out as a racist. Forgive me if you think that my preferences are actually prejudices. Forgive me for retreating into something one can so easily call 'cultural chauvinism'. And I will forgive you for thinking that this person writing this isn't the Alfian that you know, that he has always been moderate and liberal, and I will forgive you if you look at me differently the next time I meet you. For some time already I have felt that as a Malay writer writing in English I have had to carry the burden of articulating so many unvoiced concerns. And the responsibilities associated with this are frightening. I just think it is time I pass on whatever skills I have to other Malay people, so we may tell our stories to those who want to hear them, even though they are stories of loss and loneliness and accidents of birth.

hmmz i donno wat to say lar huhr.. this issue.. has been going on far too long.. but this alfian saat rulez.. shall go find out more about his works... anyways working later.. so shall sleep now.. goodnytez...

argh feeling so... guilty.. donno why.. but it all seems different now... maybe it was a mistake... maybe it was something i said or did... haiz... i suck..

weeeee pop!!!

she makes me feel like its raining outside...

things i dun like about myself:

1.my frequent worrying about small matters: im so sick of it but its something dat is already part of me and i cant really shake it off that easily. I would say something to someone den like imemdiately regret wat i said, den i would like worry about my actions for the next few days. even though that someone clearly feel that no harm has been done.

2.insecurity?: ive wrote this already on an earlier entry.its just the general feeling that the whole is laughing at me. And always wondering wat people are talking about behind my backs.

3. low confidence levels: yes its so fucking true. i have absolutely no confidence in wat i do. Be it studies or band or work. Lets just say personally that im not much of a risk taker. always taking the easy way out. just lying down and die even before the battle has begun. always afraid of getting hurt and shit. argh!!

argh theres more.. but the more i type about it. the more depress i get. anyways.. read a lot of blogs lately and i just realise my blog's english is atrocious. really honestly atrocious. i wonder how the heck did i get b3 for my english but on second thought i guess maybe composition has never been my strong point. hurhur always depended on my comprehension skills. o well. would have uploaded the pics. but battery on the camera ran out, (argh!)new batts dat i bought yesterday. Feeeel so madness lar.. haish..

getting a haircut 2morrow. its a must after my ustaz told me to cut it. sheeesh i wanted to keep it long. but i guess i'm gonna do something radical with it. thinking of getting meself a mohawk. not a full one. something like the 'rushed' guitarist. u know.. urmz donno how to explain it but its nice. haha i guess probably my mum will freak and shave me bald if i ever go home with a mohawk. so donno haha see how.

u know wat? i love my blog. i mean its kinda become sort of my best friend. never failing when i needed it the most. haha

love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly ...

heh... visual basics sucks.. and thats all ive got to say abut dat.. nieways.. i wanna get this..



i want!!! i want!!! hahaha o well need money!! really need money... so amny things dat i wanna get but theres not enough money to spent... dammitz. Holiday is next week. and it wont be much of a hoilday for me cause i'll be working for the whole week except on wednesday and friday. so any of you who have nothing to do on those days.. please feel free to ask me out.... PLZ!!! i'm BEGGING YOU!! whhawhawh

hurhur... project sunset became project nowhere.. hurhur didnt really expect liza to be dat quiet a person. or was i the one who was quiet? Maybe i bored her too much with my incessant jabbering haha weee. anyways walked around aimlessly from bugis to lavender and at the same time taking pics of donno wat lar. she asked me to give suggestions so i pointed to whatever dat is close to my eyes... haha merepekz ar mi.... haha den went back to tamp to meet ikay. had dinner... den we went seperate ways. i met up with the guys at sunplaza, ik went bk and lizard went home. hurhur anyways.... took some pics of pp at sunplaza. I try to upload 2morrow when i have the time. good nights.

in class right now.. preparing for the networking online test... which sucks.. i know nothing about networking... why did i ever take info technology?? all i wanted was the media side of it. Never expected all this shitty modules. Den after Networking i have my os test whihc thank god is an open book one. So maybe just maybe i can pass both. haha fat chance. Nieways. Meeting liza later today. Gonna take pics of the sunset or sumthing for her portfolio. i donno wats my association with dat but heck nvm lar eh. haha. thank you for coming round to me.. to see my plain sunset....

i remembered last year me and ikay were talking bout march12 and dewi's photgraphy. both of us wanted to take up photography. But den he bought a camera. I didnt. so the rest is well. history. boohoo

skafest is on sunday. a part of me wants to go but argh the tots of seeing all those yps in their culture unifom makes me sick. besides the fact that its all ska and i'm not into ska dat much. boohoo so yeah im working anyways. planning to see a movie next week... anybody wanna watch wit me??

am home right now with nothing to do. skool ended super quick today and i am contemplating whether to go out or not. need to get that jacket soon. i almost froze to death on the bus to skool earlier today. hurhur so niehows i have a test tomorrow and i really wanna pass it cause ive not passed a single test this whole semester. Means i'm in deep shit. really deep shit.

hurhur. anyways picked up my guitar and wrote a new song . the title is pending but im quite please with the melody. the lyrics are straightforward and not artsy or poetic. i dun have the necessary vocabulary and imagination to write all those stuff. but all in all im hoping it would turn out well.

read my testi's on friendster. some of them are pretty funny in my own weird way. i guess nobody really knows me dat well. hurhur and dats perfectly fine with me. and yey borrowed adi's dgcam. am taking pics of things in my room but problem is the card can only store 20 pics i tink. so madness.!!! anyways tanks adi! u rock..

u know wat? mustafa's latest entry almost brought me to tears. kinda reminded me of when my own grandfather died. haiz. it didnt really hit me dat he was gone till a few days later. den i started crying myself to sleep for a few weeks. Wish i had been there in his last moments. I miss him.

your pictures on the wall,
reminds me of the days dat we shared,
of the life that we could have had,
and underneathe this darkened sky,
as my whole passes by
i still tink your still by my side


cause heaven seems so far away
and i have to wait for the end of my days
the most important days of my life
days filled with crimson eyes


i miss you, i need you

this song.... though isnt the best.. was written for my grandpa and my little brother whom i never got to know. Thats why this song has always been so special to me. underedge- miss you

i'll be holding on to you dear, like pictures kept in lockets...

hurhur argh my whole class has been commenting about how dark ive become. like as if its such a big fucking deal.

urh hotness.madness. i need some more pins for my bag. Maybe going to wakemeup with adi 2morrow. maybe. just maybe. And yeyness.. my mother has given me permission to get myself a dgcam. Problem is ive only got about 300 to spend. so if i get one now. its gonna be so sucky. so i guess i shall wait till may or april so i can get a really really good one. rainy days have arrived. JUST IN TIME. secretly hoping it will rain out durin the march holidays cause im working like the whole week. but im pretty sure most of you wont be happy with my request. heh. but nvm. im flexible..

its sad to say that we shall say goodbye to underedge soon. Although i would miss it. I think it would not have come at a better time den now. so goodbye. yeah. thx for the memories...

din!! i'm happy for you!!! congrats man...

whoah i'm like so tanned now. so much so dat my mum cant even see my face in the dark. Argh fuck dat place called escape man.. ARGHHH. But speaking of escape. hurhur ive got a new friend at work. who?
*drum roll*
ALLEN!! haha madness sia that guy. Came to interview then straight away started working. I had to go for3 interviews to get that job. Motherfucker. But im glad hes working there now. Have a new friend. I guess if u open up to people there.. they are actually quite friendly and fun people. Till today i have always been a quiet guy at work. Rarely talking, unless im with dhai phsycho. But today i let myself go man .. and im glad i did. nieways

saturday was the worst day i had at work. officially worst day. i had to to the bumper boat station on my own for an hour.. cause some 'kemas' idiot didnt come to work. And Dear Selsila was bz 'entertaining' the guest to help me out. SO yeah anyways zaid came later.. so everything went fine till he went off... and selsila came by.. den everything went wrong. We could run only 4 boats cause the other 4 were spoilt. Den while shifting boats i got myself stranded in the middle of the pool cause the buttons were not fuunctioning properly. So thx to the guests who pushed me back to shore. hurhur. So embarassing man!!.

den i almost electrocuted myself after i touched an exposed wire on the boat. luckily i only got burnt. but heck it was painful untill mad. got two black spots on my palm man now. haiz. Urh anyways selsila proved to be a very very nice person to work with.. Shes like this bubbly bubbly person. Always talking. To the guests and oso to me. heh. And did i mention she is very very pretty? hurhur unfortunately i irritated her too much so i guess my chance is gone. Haha

immediately after work.. went to ana hotel. Had difficulty getting there. I asked for directions.. and the kids at borders say.. "huh what? ANA hotel close already lar.." takleh harap

so reached there and met din, alif, zack and allen. And came in just in time for kate of kale's set. They were great. The crowd was great. In fact this is one of the best crowd along with the epilogue. since there was no culture kids.. there were no fights.. which was great. Den if i could remember properly.. came sky in euphoria... I joined the moshpit for the first time in my life. Never had the balls to do it in a normal ska gig where all the skins and punks were but somehow i felt safer in the company of 'normal' people. hurhur so they were awesome. Screams here!! there!! everywhere!!! hurhru

pug jelly was next. I tink? i tot i was seeing gorbachev though cause mat cooper wasnt there. but all in all

I WANT MASASHI's HAIR!!!!

hurhurhur but i made a point to stand right in front during msc. They were great. Wish i could hear the vox more. But awesome lar their showmanship. especially shAin.. doing the mars volta thingy. haha hilarious. den of kos m12 came up or was it 59 mins? not sure who came first. but 59 mins were okie. They had a really awesome drummer and tight. very tight indeed. But the sole purpose i went was to catch m12. so again. I cannot hear dewi's vocals. even though i was standign right in front of her. o well maybe im deaf or sumthing but all in all m12 was great. learned a lot from them. I'm just hoping that we can be the next m12. hurhur fat chance hor??

took a cab home with izzad after dat. Crazy fella. hurhur

argh not tinking straight now. heck ive not been thinking straight this whole week. felt as though people around me have changed too much. Its like they are faceless to me now and i cant really accept that fact. Hur in times like this. I immerse myself in music. But even dat has not become fun anymore. pp's session was okay ar. wasnt really in the mood so sorry yea guys if i screwed up or gave a fucked up face to any of you. just so distracted ar.distracted by what. not sure. Shall find out... but one things for sure i am really really overwhelmed by the awesome ness of the marshal amp overdrive. i was in tone heaven man. really impressive. shall ask for a footswtich next time i jam there.

this week really sucked but i'm really happy it all ended kinda nicely with first chapter's jamming. Really tweet,khus, wan and fir u guys really cheered me up with the fun filled jamming. Even though we really sucked. It was a nice feeling to play with laughter going on..love you guys to bits .played dammit and carousel hurhur wwatever made us play that i donno. hahah. dzafir, pluggy and sofyn were there to watch us. heh sofyn took some pics. cant wait for them to get uploaded. must check on wan's blog. after finishing jamm we saw msc and junaidi fishguy there. hah jun.. wat a funny guy. it was only earlier this morning we were talking cock on msn so it was kinda funny to meet him just now a few hours later. so said our goodbyes and the EMo crew went off to slack. and me and fir went home.

tommorow im working... shall sleep now..

blogging again... donno why im still online at this time... well i guess everything happens for a reason hur... hehe

anyways.. life on the rails.. hurhur why do i sit on the railings at tamp? to watch girls u may say? nooooo. heck i sit there to observe all the plastic people going on with their everyday lifes. The mats who sit on the rails opposite us. The minahs who walk pass with cigarettes in hand and butts going left right left right. This is of kos an everyday sight. Then there are the normal kids like you and me. who are disgusted by this mats who ruin the malay reputation. hurhur. Den once in a while u have the culture people. Though this is very rare... theyre just like the mats ar. People like you and me are either disgusted by them or are frankly impressed by thier bravery to dress like dat in public. Notwithstanding that the interchange is where public transport is. so i dunt understand their purpose in hanging around there. Arent they anti government or sumthing. so dat leaves us with just the remainder of society. hurhur fuck them!

haiz just got back from slacking... original plan was to meet ikay to pass the metal zone and den go to my grandmother house. But lately every plan dat i make always seems to fail. hurhur. so nieways met din and dan at interchange. Sat at railings for a while. donno why but i have suddenly grown a distaste for that place and sitting there in general. Donno why. hurhurhur nieways dan left after dat. so me and din went to kfc in the intention of trying out the scrooms or wateva...so while din ordered. I watched as the counter kid placed a 'super sized' burger on his tray. needless to say terus i tak jadik buy. hurhur so after din finished we went to macdonalds where i felt offered a much more better meal. SO sat down talked crap and soon allen came. den the conversations started getting more serius urh... i told them about how i felt about some stuff and they gave me some advice. den i found out they shared the same thoughts as me. hurhur . which kinda surprised me for a while. o well dats why i guess we are so close. heh

so anyhow me and allen walked to simei. i decided i didnt wanna go home straight so i sort of like accompanied him home. I so needed someone to talk to. So i talked. He talked. And yeah simei and tampines seems so short a distance when your deep in conversation. Allen yeah is such a good and loyal friend. When you need a shoulder to cry on he is indeed a nice person to talk to. I trust him the most among the kids. hurhur. We tink alike and heck we even look alike to some people. so yeah thx allen. love yea lots. k k i shall stop being gayish. Shall continue into my personal blog now. o well jamming with pp 2morrow yeyness!!

heheh im like literally dancing all day long to this song... its on repeat mode on my discman and hi fi. hurhur in the bathroom i lance lance. On the way to skool oso i lance lance. I kept looking around to see if anybody noticed.Haha could have been the luffing stock of the skool hurhur. Den at home now Im dancing oso!! haha amazing wat music dan do to your emotions... hehe

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore



I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again


This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore


I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

hurhurhurhur i need braces.. this rabbit teeth are way too embarassing...

Frustrations are getting the better of me. typed and retyped this entry for the 3rd time. all i wanna say is i kinda feel something is very wrong with one of my bands. shall not reveal which one though.. shall go now bye..

thankx yanee for this awesome layout... u rock!! anyways my parents are wtaching cartooons outside.. yes cartoons... in the form of those old disney movies like alladin, beauty and the beast, etc etc. So yeah pretty surprised. i remembered when i was in primary school and i had this big sketchbook. After viewin those cartoons on the old L-D player. i would do some sketches of the cartoons. I remembered being very good at it. Donno where my sketchbook went. but anyways i cant draw for shit nowadays...... am very sad.

o well.. chatting with chun fu now. He was like the closest chinese friend dat i had in sec school so yea i miss those memories in class with him. he was a very very nice. person. always smiling. never ever saw him get angry. haiz. hruhurhurhur. i miss 4e3!!


decided to start a personal blog. Its kinda frustrating to not be able to write about wat i feel... wat i really really feel. Seeing dat if i do write those type of entries here. I would have lesser friends. so anyways good night...


hurhurhur guess which is me??

new layout liao

this love is taking its toll on me... she said goodbye... too many times before....

hurhurhur good morning kids... at class right now and i'm like yawning and yawning untill mad man. slept super early last night and intead of making me fresh it successfully made me more sleepy..... so anyhows.. gonna cabut class again today.. wanna go home and sleep again.... so yeah see yea

sheeesh i tink i ate too much.. i wanna puke..

i walked home from school today. i donno why? just been so long since ive done it so i tot why not?. This long walks usually give me like a sense of serenity. or sumthing like dat i donno. 59 mins accompanied me on my walk. they are pretty good lar actually but i feel as though their vox is not singing with his real voice. sounds kinda exxagerated. reminds me of mine. hmmmz o well.. i'm tired shall sleep..

Lene marlin rocks!!

heh... work completely brought me down today... it was so fucking hot and in the first few hours of my shift there were like zero people. So i had no choice but to stand under the worthless umbrella and try to keep my sanity. I was so bored dat i smsed around... only a few replied.. but nvm thx a lot okay. One weird thing dat happen though was the heat made me hallucinate... yeah hallucinate!!!!. I remembered seeing people in the queue line and getting into the ride. Then i remember starting the ride but when the rided ended. there was nobody there... had i seen ghosts...?? blergh.. stupid escape. But if something good dat did happen was i made new friends. This new guy taufiq. So easy to get along with man. We both combined to diss Dhaifullah. That fucking psycho maniac hahaha. And he even recommended me some hot 'chicks' that took his ride. so yeah this type of guy can really make good friends.

hahaha. so after work my original plan was to go to the beach and meet the kids there. they after all suggested going to the beach yesterday but then they had already went earlier in the morning and were all on the rails by the time i had left work. yeah so dissapointed. had been looking forward to go the beach and like liza said "nak tgk stars".. hehe so nvm then met yazid in the bus den zack, allen,din and dan at the rails. wat rail?? (go look at my header pic yeah?? haha). den zack and yazid left to donno where. allen accompanied me to kfc and din and dan went off to cut their hair. i tink? haha anyways.... went home after dat... so tired...


this pic is fucking awesome. my plain sunset shirt blended with the background. the trees thing if u dunno wat i mean heh heh

and fuck yeah leeds should have won against liverpool. wat a match. tak sia sia aku support leeds. i remembered the match dat made me decide to turn my back on man u. it was a few years ago when leeds beat lazio 1-0 in the champions league. the passion and skill that the played dat match in really turned me into a fan. unfortunately now though they are really struggling.. hope they do survive.. heh..

ish my star lagu merepek ar!!!

was surfing around and found dat i had several pictures in my shutterfly a/c.. so i decided to post them up.. and since i'm kinda bored i shall go scan some more pics of asthenia and the ps gig dat i went to... will be up in due time...

hey thx zad for totally making yesterday night's emo session enjoyable. really cracked me up with ur jokes. heh perfect medicine for wat i was feeling.

in the morning i had to be on duty for the ite open house. and heck instead of looking after our stall i went around with clarence, ban shin, and ray and played some games. won a couple of nice prizes. 3 glass candles, an alarm clock a notebook, a spiderman eraser and a dozen pens. so i guess i did pretty well. haha. so after the open house had ended i went off and met din allen and zack. they wanted to go apply at republic poly. so i tagged along. saw the campus and i tot i was in some old abandoned hospital or something. urh... och.... so they did wat they had to do and den we proceeded to the nearby mosque and did our afternoon prayers.something i have not done for a long time. blergh wat is becoming of me...

made our way to far east plaza after dat. Had our lunch and i bought a cap. leaving me with 15 bucks in my wallet and i actually started the day of with 26. urh must learn to save money. pay day in a weeks time. would only be getting 100 plus bucks. so pathetic. argh frust man....

sometimes chatting has become too much of a whine man. need more funnier people online. need smiles. need laughter at 3 am in the morning. need a feel good feeling. argh!!!

shall go friendster now.

u know earlier in the day.. the kids were laughing about how they fared in their o's and generally taking it all in a relaxed manner. But it all began to sink in when we were in the bus on the way home. what the fuck are we doing with our life. What The fuck am i doing with my life. I have no direction. No idea of what i wanna be. when i was in primary school and the teacher would ask us wat our ambitions are and what do we wanna be when we grow up. I would be like the only one in class who would think of sumthing just for the sake of giving an answer.
people chase dreams.
i daydream. thats all i ever do.

but all in all i accept that maybe ite isnt so bad after all. maybe god has already given me this path. so i should shut the fuck up and live with it. yipeeee. bt the thing about ite is. its just so fucking relaxed that the enviroment there doesn't promote studying at all. wat with the fucked up lecturers who cant even speak english properly, classmates who are...argh okie.. i'm whining again. shouldnt be complaining anyways. shouldnt be blaming others. i was the one who failed. i took the paper 2years ago and the reason i got into ite in the first place. but its heartbreaking to fail by just a grade for not once but 2 times. heh. anyways When i told my mum she wasnt even bit surprised or displeased. she just smiled and said "dah lar ko pi dudek jek pat ite. make sure ko belajar . " u know wat? i love my mum.

Now though i feel like going to the beach and set my thoughts to relax mode. cause at the moment my mind is filled with stuff. you know... stuff. try imagine and extract painting. imagine it moving. thats wats going on inside there. its just blurry images of shit . urgh madz need something to clear my mind. anybody have a ciggie???

blergh fucking o level results made me so fucked up... why do they tease me eveyytime.. 5 marks or so from a pass man... fuck those english bastards... now i know how valuable a mark is.. anyways to those who did well.. congrats...

underedge- without you

another wish ungranted
you open your doors and i fell through
why do i keep deluding?
memories that has never been true

but i know youll be right there failing
when i need u the most.
but i miss you so.
faces fading as i quickly lose control


today went well i guess. spent time with hilmi, rafi and adi cause fir was doing some open house thingy. Interesting people they are. makes me wonder why i dun hang out with them that much. ouh well they Kind of remind me of the project playkids. in a way that smoke usually covers the area that we sit in and girls would be the usual topic of conversation. anywaysfinally gonna get the rock band back on track. zack and yazid has already agreed. im completely stoked by it. I have been wanting to do this band for quite a while now. As long as i get to play incubus i'm happy. all we need is a vox though. anyone interested?

yesterday was history

tomorrow is a mystery

today is a gift

and i'm glad i spent it with you

got so sick of my band that i decided to remove their faces from my blog. and replace them with mine. heh. theres no better love than loving one's self

sessioning was great. Have one new song but the progression has not been completed. Shall try and work out something. Had fun with dan,zack, allen and din when they came to 'session'. Chilled underneath my block untill 9.30 pm. imagine my embarassment when my mother started shouting my name from the my flat. and yeah my flat is the top floor so cyou can probably imagine how loud my mother was. got another lecture from mum after dat got pissed off. i mean. in all seriusness, i was underneath the block the whole time. If i was somewhere else i would have understood if mum had been angry. sheesh besides the fact i'm 18 already. i still feel as though she treats me like some 12 year old. i bet 12 year old kids have more freedom den me. blergh. anyways i love my friends a lot...!!

waiting for dan and zack to come. Gonna create some new tunes hopefully cause we really need some new material. Its frustrating that after coming up with a melody and some tunes on my head it all dissappears whenever i pick up my guitar to write it all down. urgh FruSSSSt. i shall go beat up my pillow now.. byebye..